Tuesday, October 4

A New Saint in Heaven

I've born a life into God's hands, something I never thought I would do.  We've lost a baby to miscarriage, and I'm just so sad that for whatever reason God decided this baby was better off in His arms than in mine.  I'm not angry, just very sad.  Sad that I won't see this little person's fingers or toes, or hear how he would laugh.  Sad that Jack is a big brother but no one knows it.  Sad because my womb harbored life for several weeks, and now all of the sudden it's empty.  It aches for my baby.

If anything, the loss of this baby has put my focus more on heaven, reminding me that every day my goal has to be heaven so that I can meet my little saint.  I know I'll hold him one day, but I'm sad that day is so far away.

Our family has a new little patron saint in heaven.  I know he has several friends to play with, and I take comfort in knowing that my Pops is probably keeping him entertained, sitting him in his lap and teaching him how to play piano until I arrive to scoop him up and give him the big hug I want so badly to give to him.

Please pray for Ryan and me, as we grieve this loss... In my womb for a few short weeks, but forever in ours hearts.  We named him Samuel.  St. Samuel, pray for us!


Liz said...

Stephanie, I am so very sorry.

I've been there and it's so hard to see the world keep turning and going back to normal and yet your heart strains with pain and your arms physically ache from emptiness.

If anyone who hasn't been through this wishes to comfort Stephanie and family...please don't say "you're still young", "at least you know you can get pregnant", "you're lucky you still have three healthy children"...
Just say "I hurt for you. I hurt with you. I'm praying for you. I'm sorry."

My prayers will be with you and Ryan and both your families as you grieve this little life.

Ann Marie said...

 My Lord, the baby is dead!

 Why, my Lord—dare I ask why? It will not hear the whisper of the wind or see the beauty of its parents’ face—it will not see the beauty of Your creation or the flame of a sunrise. Why, my Lord?

 “Why, My child—do you ask ‘why’? Well, I will tell you why.

 You see, the child lives. Instead of the wind he hears the sound of angels singing before My throne. Instead of the beauty that passes he sees everlasting Beauty—he sees My face. He was created and lived a short time so the image of his parents imprinted on his face may stand before Me as their personal intercessor. He knows secrets of heaven unknown to men on earth. He laughs with a special joy that only the innocent possess. My ways are not the ways of man. I create for My Kingdom and each creature fills a place in that Kingdom that could not be filled by another. He was created for My joy and his parents’ merits. He has never seen pain or sin. He has never felt hunger or pain. I breathed a soul into a seed, made it grow and called it forth.”

 I am humbled before you, my Lord, for questioning Your wisdom, goodness, and love. I speak as a fool—forgive me. I acknowledge Your sovereign rights over life and death. I thank You for the life that began for so short a time to enjoy so long an Eternity.                                                                                              --  Mother M. Angelica

Saints Samuel and Gianna, pray for us!

Nicole said...

So sorry to hear this, Stephanie! My thoughts are with you and your family.

Ann Marie said...

Ryan and Stephanie, I'm so very sad and sorry for the loss of Samuel. May this prayer bless you:

Prayer to A Child in Heaven (from a parent):

My dear Samuel, you are no longer with us here on earth. I miss you very much, and I long to see you. Still, my faith tells me you are now with Jesus, Mother Mary, Saint Joseph, and all the angels and saints.

It is hard for me to understand why you were taken from my arms, but you can never be taken from my heart. I love you and I will love you forever, until time is no more. I find a certain peace in knowing I had a part in bringing you this great joy, the joy of Heaven. I also find strength in my hope to be someday reunited with you, never to be parted again.

Please pray for me, my dear Samuel, that I may be faithful to my duties here below and thereby come to hold you again in my waiting arms in Heaven.

Neen said...

It is not a easy thing to go through for sure. This precious life was so special even though he did not live long. BUT what joyous news for the angels and all of heaven! I will continue to keep you and your family in my prayers. Thank you for giving the world and Heaven another soul to adore God for all of time.

Ramona said...

Stephanie, I don't know the right words to really express how sorry we are for the loss of your little angel. Our hearts are aching for you and Ryan and we are praying for you every day.

Ashley said...

I'm so sorry for your loss :-(

Wally said...

Oh Stephanie, I'm so so sorry for your loss. Hugs all the way from the Midwest, Emelyn

gracekellysmom said...

Love and prayers, dear Stephanie. may God comfort you in the way this world cannot. I'm so sorry for your loss. {hugs}, Stacy

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