Sunday, January 29

Sleeping Boy

At almost four months old, Theo takes several naps a day still, usually about 45 minutes for each nap.  This is pretty much the same as how the other kids slept, so it's what I'm used to!  While his naps aren't long, he usually wakes up pretty happy so I can't complain. Usually I swaddle him tightly, give him his Nuk, and walk him around my room for a few minutes.  He passes out relatively quickly and I lay him in the same little rocker that Caeli had.  Sometimes I'll lay him down in our bed, depending on the time of day.  Theo may sleep a little longer in the afternoons, especially if I go lay down and join him for a nap!  Most days this doesn't happen but I try to make it happen if he hasn't had enough cuddle time with me or I feel like we both need to rest and reconnect.  Napping next to this sweet little boy is just one of the most pleasurable things I've ever had the privileget of doing!

For my records, we weighed him a couple of weeks ago and he was 13 lbs 13 oz.  He's outgrowing his size 6-month clothing (that I just bought for him a few weeks ago!).  I tried cloth diapers for a few days but realized I'm not up to it right now!  Maybe we will try again when he is a bit older.  He is starting to like his pacifier more but prefers to stick all of his fingers in his mouth instead!  He's so very slobbery right now, but just has the best gummy grin! 

Monday, January 16


I hear piano keys pressed firmly and assuredly.  He plays "Old MacDonald" and hits every note just perfectly.  "Mom, did you hear that?"  I yell out, "Yes!  It sounded perfect!" I reference my printed recipe, not really measuring out ingredients but instead using the recipe as more of a suggestion.  A couple of cloves of garlic squeezed through my press... Unscrew the top of the oregano jar and just dump some in... Sure that looks about enough...

Down on the floor in the kitchen, she's playing with three babies, a rocking chair, a book, a purse, and a bouncy ball. She is the Mommy and those are all her Babies.  The ball is her baby too.  She's talking to everything, lost in her make-believe.

He darts into the kitchen, sliding on his socks with holes in the heels, bats his compass over his shoulder, and turns the corner just barely making it without hitting the granite.  Out of breath, he throws his arms around my waist and says, "Mom I love you," quickly under his breath, looking down.  It's as if his whole body is moving too quickly, and he's just trying to keep up with himself.  Then he asks if he can paint.  I really don't want to get out art supplies before dinner, because if he paints they'll all want to paint, and if they all paint then there will be watercolor cakes, baby food jars filled with water, and torn sheets of half-used, not-cheap watercolor paper on the table right when I'm ready to serve our dinner.  Sigh. I say yes though because I'm trying to say "yes" with a cheerful heart when I don't want to.  And I realize after I say yes that I am actually cheerful about it.

As I send him to the pantry to gather supplies, I debate the merits of "fake it till you make it" and "obedience before understanding."  It's nice to be validated, to actually see the fruits of my attempts to bring joy to our household when so often it feels like everyone is just fussing at each other.  It's nice when things work out.

I don't get far in my thoughts because the biggest of the small ones is asking if she can help me.  I take a small sip from my glass (since it's Friday, it's my favorite bourbon) and ask her to put a cup of rice in the rice cooker.  "Brown rice or white rice?"  I tell her white and she skips off into the pantry to collect the machine, singing the same verse of the same song over and over and over again.  But her voice is developing nicely.  "Maybe singing the same verse over and over again is like reading the same board book to a toddler over and over again," I think, as I take another sip.

The brass-colored handle jiggles and gets stuck.  It hasn't been working well since Christmas, but he grips it a little harder from the outside and pushes his way into the house.  "Daddy's home!" They all stop and drop everything they're doing and run to him.  Paint on the table, rice on the floor.  His arms and legs full of excited babies, he makes his way over to the stovetop and kisses me hello.  He raises his eyebrows happily when he notices the bourbon on my breath and checks the pot for signs of dinner.  "It's Friday!"  And the weekend begins.

Sunday, January 15

Mid- January

Well, we are back into the swing of life around here.  We had an unplanned "soft start" to school last week but it was definitely for the best for everyone!  I wasn't entirely organized with my spring semester planning and we had a couple of kinks thrown into the plan (of course).  A giant storm a week or so ago killed my printer!  At first it wouldn't even come on, but after some encouragement, it turned on.  But it won't print wirelessly now, only if I plug it in.  So... not messed up enough to warrant a new purchase but just messed up to be incredibly annoying!  At least my new computer is lightweight and has holds enough battery power for me to haul it upstairs EVERY TIME I need to print something.  I know, poor me!

Once I finally got the printer to work, something else spazzed out, but I can't even remember what it was now.  I find many of my days are like that- if it's not one thing, it's something else.  I get really frustrated if I can't make it work out, but I've learned that in the moment I have to stop and recognize that I'm losing my temper at the lifeless printer (or whatever it is at that moment), and recognize that the feelings will pass.  It took  only10 years of preaching it to my kids for me to sort of pick up on it; maybe now I can actually begin embody the virtue of temperance!

We've spent our days reading along on our 31-Day Challenge, practicing piano (because Luke and Jack are playing now), doing our usual school work, enjoying the freezing cold weather one day and the spring-like weather the next (because Texas), and adoring baby Theo.  He's 3 months old now, smiling at everyone, trying to roll over, and cooing up a storm. He is adorable.

I was considering taking up my doula work again.  I thought God was calling me to it through a series of random occurrences, but I never felt completely at peace once I made the decision to accept a repeat client in March.  I would like to "work" again in some capacity though, and I am praying for clarity about that.  God has placed in me a great desire to serve, and it benefits me and my family so much when I can take the opportunity to serve outside of our home. Ironically, it helps me find balance within our home.  In the mean time, I've accepted some volunteer work at our parish and am hoping that I can serve God and others through my talents in that way.  I also would love the opportunity to mentor young moms somehow, but I'm not quite sure how that would play out. 

I am just really happy right now.

Saturday, January 14

Happy Birthday to Caeli!

Happy birthday, my sweet girl!

Today you woke up a little grumpy, but when I told you "happy birthday!" your eyes lit up and you said, "Yes, it's MY birfday."

We had some school lessons where you played with your babies (today you played with Beth's American Girl doll, which you have pretty much claimed as your own).  You sat at your desk with her in your lap, colored, talked to her and yourself, and then changed her clothes.  I think you also put her down for a nap because you closed your door very gently and tiptoed away and told me, "Be quiet, my baby's sleeping."

After lunch we picked some carrots from the garden and you were so excited to eat one!

I also tried to pose you by the window for some photos but Mommy is rusty with the old camera, and you weren't really in a mood to smile.  But you were in a mood to talk- you're pretty much always in a mood to talk!

I spent some time pondering how much you are starting to look like Beth when she was your age.  You favor her in looks and in your love for books and dance, but you favor dolls and you definitely have some extra spunk in your step.  No doubt from trying to keep up with three big siblings who play with you like you're as old as they are!

That evening you got to Facetime with all of your grandparents, cousins, and Uncle Josh and Aunt Ramona.  You loved being able to hold the phone all by yourself, because these days, it's all about you doing everything all by yourself.

For days, you were so excited about choosing your own dessert for your birthday dinner, and you had the heavy influence of older siblings!  You finally decided on brownies and ice cream, though you don't care for the brownies as much as you do for the ice cream.  Knowing that, I gave you a tiny bit of brownies and an extra scoop of ice cream in your bowl!

We sang to you, and you sang along.  Because you love to sing, and you REALLY love when we are all focused on you at the same time.

Mommy and Daddy gave you a sticker pad (which you loved!), some new clothes, and on Saturday you'll receive your big gift- a balance bike!  We weren't able to give you that on the weekdays because the sun sets so early, and we wanted to be able to work with you during the day so you'd have the chance to try it out.  MawMaw and PawPaw gifted you a sweet little mass sweater and skirt, and your great-grandmother sent you $10 in the mail.

You went to bed with Daddy because he wanted to spend some special time with you.  I think you had a perfect little day for a new little three-year-old!  You are always so expressive and cheerful that you're able to turn any day into a party day!  We love you, baby girl.

Sunday, January 1


2017 is here, Happy New Year!

Yesterday morning, Ryan an I had the opportunity to go out to breakfast together and have a "family meeting."  You probably know that he and I are planners- to a fault sometimes- but it makes us both feel better to have discussions and put ideas to good old fashioned paper.  A friend send me the idea of making a planning "web," so we tried that out.  (On a side note, one of my favorite places to get coffee and breakfast in a unique space is shutting their doors, and we just happened to go in on their last day open.  I was so sad to hear that but so happy we got to have one more breakfast date there!)

We had categories that included "travel," "home improvement," "self care," "education," and several more.  From there we placed our ideas, upcoming events, to-do projects, and needs.

This year I've decided I'm really going to focus on figuring some things out about myself.  Child birth always makes me reflective, and this time has been no exception.  Also I turn 35 this year and I feel like with Beth just turning 10, I'm approaching a new time in my life.  Parenting has definitely evolved as the kids have gotten older, but I'm also learning and understanding more now about my needs and how to survive the next 18+ years of having children at home!

Ryan and some friends are really into the personality testing, specifically the four temperaments and the Myers Briggs personality testing.  I'm never the kind of person that likes to be fit into a box or category.  Heck, even as a Catholic who believes and practices everything the church professes, I feel like I'm not what people expect me to be.  But I'll admit there's been something relieving about reading about my "type" or "temperament" and just feeling at home with the general blanket statements, and it's helped me to understand more about how I interact with the world (and therefore how I can do a better job at it!).  Not only that but it's helped me to understand Ryan better, and therefore to respect certain dispositions about him.

For example, I'm pretty melancholic.  I'm introverted, and I am slow to react to external stimuli, because it takes me awhile to process information.  This means I'm not so great in the heat of a moment, don't always take a gift or compliment well, and maybe seem like I'm "too good" to talk to someone when really I'm a little shy and fumble over my words as I'm trying to understand that person.  I'm no good at small talk, I prefer to dive into deep conversations with those who I trust.  These have been important realizations to me because I've considered myself sort of awkward when I meet new people sometimes, or why I can never think of the right words to say when given a gift.  It was important for Ryan to understand this about me to because when he gave me a beautiful necklace for Mother's Day, I just sort of smiled and said thanks.  I was absolutely stunned, but it took awhile to sink in!  Knowing this is who I am- who God made me to be- is so freeing, because it took away the thought that I was somehow ungrateful.

I am also an ISFJ- "The Nurturer."  I have a strong sense of responsibility,  am the first to jump in to help, see the best in people and situations, and value aesthetic function of my home!  Well, there's so much more than that, but reading about this personality type has helped me to understand my reaction to conflict, and why I have a deep need for peace and non-conflict.  My whole world can get thrown off because of conflict, so when my beliefs or deep-seated feelings are not compatible with the beliefs of others, I tend to shy away.  I think this is part of the reason I had to leave social media for awhile.  But I'm not sure that's the "right" way to handle certain situations, so I'm trying to learn how to engage in meaningful discussion (not argument!) instead.  As in all things, it's a learning process though, and it doesn't always go well.

Throughout the year, I hope to help identify some of these characteristics in my children, so that I can be a more effective teacher to them and help them pursue the talents that God has gifted to them.  It's definitely been beneficial to talk to Ryan about these things, and I can only see how it would be a good thing to work on with the children, too.

I've spoken with several people recently about the current buzzword "authenticity."  I've always liked that word, but I think now people are talking about it more because on social media, you can make yourself out to be whomever you want.  And for some people, that's backfiring.  Long ago I stopped reading blogs and following Instagram accounts that seemed too perfect.  I know in my head that no one is perfect, but I am the kind of person that needs to see some of the mess, to know I'm not alone in my messy life. The perfectionism I was seeing online made me a little jealous, because it was something I desired but couldn't have!  It wasn't a good thing for my heart or my soul!  I've always tried to keep this blog real, but positive- a true reflection of who I strive to be.

In 2017, I hope to explore what this means for me.  I hope to cut back on the things that pull me down, make my heart unsettled, and turn my focus away from the Lord.  I hope to better understand how God made me and by using my gifts to nurture my family and the community around me.  I want to make some new friends, explore a new part of the country, and get better about making meal plans and sticking to them!  I think it's all going to be harder than it sounds!

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