Naptime with Jackson

click the photo to make it bigger.  you can see his soul through his gorgeous eyes!

It's no secret that Moms and Dads with young babies don't get a lot of sleep.  I am no exception.  Ryan, Jack, and I all still share a bed because Ryan and I just haven't made any effort to give him his own bedroom upstairs.  We've borrowed a crib but we still have to disassemble it to fit it through the doorway!  I am desperate for sleep. While I most certainly want to sleep through the night, I think part of me secretly doesn't want to give him up.  Moving him out of my room-out of my bed- means I have to admit on some level that he's growing up.  His infancy has already gone by way to quickly for me, just thinking back on it makes me tear up because it's gone by so fast and I haven't been able to be wholly present to him like I was with Beth, or even with Luke.  Each subsequent child will have less and less of me it seems.  However, he is loved so much more; he has the love of two doting older siblings, something that Beth or Luke didn't have.  And boy, do they love him!

Sleepless and all, this little boy was created perfectly as God intended. Ryan and I had a hunch from the moment of his conception that he was created for a special purpose!  In 7 quick months, he has served many purposes in our lives, including showing me that near-painless labor is possible, teaching older siblings how to care for a new baby and showing them how special a new baby is, and allowing my cup to flow over even more than I thought possible.  It's true when they say that adding a new baby multiplies love, not divides.

So as I trudge forward I have a sad but sort of thankful feeling that much of what I remember from these early days will be forgotten.  Time has a way of making us forget the bad things (like labor pains thank you Jesus), but I never want to forget how much I loved cuddling with this little guy, stealing precious moments in the darkened room when we both should have been napping.