The Birth of Theo

This is a story that I didn't think would be my story. I've heard of wild and crazy fast labors before, but I haven't heard of anything quite like this!

 

I have to start on October 5.  On that day, I was 11 days past my due date, and my midwife requested that I have an ultrasound to check on Baby to make sure everything was still okay in there.  They check several things, but one of the things she noticed was that the amniotic fluid level was very low- low enough that an OB probably would have scheduled an induction right then and there.  My midwife was comfortable letting me hydrate, which would increase the level, and check again on the following Friday.  We continued to try to naturally induce labor but Baby wasn't ready yet!  So I chugged water (seriously, gallons) and we went again on Friday the 7th to have another bio-physical profile and non-stress test, but this time we went to our backup midwife's office at the hospital.

We showed up, waited forever (reminded me of why I can't stand offices!), and finally had our ultrasound done.  The fluid level had gone up significantly, praise God, so I no longer had to worry about my fear of being induced!  We went into another room for the non-stress test, and the midwife asked me if I wanted her to check me for dilation.  My midwife, who was there with us, said she had wanted to check me later anyways so we might as well do it now!  At this point I was like, whatever!  (Previously when my midwife had checked me, she couldn't tell me anything because my cervix was still posterior.) Well.  This midwife really, um, wasn't shy, and she got in there and pulled my cervix forward, and declared I was already 7 centimeters!  This choked me up and I had a huge emotional release right there.  I didn't know this could happen.  I had no idea I could be 7 cm with a posterior cervix, and I certainly wouldn't have thought I could ever get to 7 cm without a single contraction.

She asked if she could help the baby move down by stretching my legs and hips, which actually felt very good as she worked on me.  She asked if she could strip my membranes now, and I consented, but once she checked me again she said the baby had moved down and I was now 8 cm dilated.  She didn't strip my membranes at this point because she wanted me to make it home in time to have the baby!

I remember feeling sort of paralyzed, worried all of the sudden that labor would kick in and I'd have a baby on the side of the road on the way home. Ryan and I walked cautiously back to his truck, and I don't remember speaking much on the way home.  I think we were both shocked.

We got home and Ryan immediately started blowing up the inflatable birth pool that we had rented, and I started stripping and re-making the bed.  I got out snacks for my birth team, cleared off my desk for her supplies, and pulled out all of my postparum things.  I wasn't contracting or having any signs that there would be labor any time soon.  It felt like a dream.

After everything was set up, we decided to take a nap, and we both slept for about an hour.  I remember waking up feeling very refreshed, but disappointed that still nothing was happening!  I texted my midwife to come over and help get things going- she hadn't gone home because she didn't want to be far from us!

She and the rest of the team came over, and we did everything we could thing of to get things going.  She stripped my membranes and she said I was only 7 cm dilated. (Only!)  She rubbed clary sage and castor oil on my belly, and she said I should work on maneuvering him lower into my pelvis.  The trouble was, everything I knew of to do that worked only in conjunction with contractions- and I wasn't contracting!  She also had me use my pump, and this finally started giving me an occasional contraction.  Maybe one every 15-20 minutes, and even then they were only 30 seconds or so.  I lightly moaned through them, did deep squats, and used the lift-and-tuck Spinning Babies technique.

After a couple of hours, I knew I would have the baby relatively soon, but I wasn't convinced it would be that day.  Things were moving too slowly and I thought I was handling it all too well.  I told myself the contractions weren't hard enough to make any significant changes, and felt like I was going through the motions of moaning and squatting only due to "muscle memory" of having done it four times already!  I joked with everyone that I wasn't really in labor, because mentally I felt fully present to what was going on around me (they were watching television) and I had convinced myself that nothing was really happening.

About halfway through Hell's Kitchen, as I squatted through a contraction, I felt a huge pop or kick or... something.  I think it was my water breaking, but it was up high, like behind my belly button.  I've never felt my water break outside of the birthing tub before, and with this there was no gush of fluid.  But things immediately changed and I was pretty much in transition at that point!  I immediately got into the tub, leaned over one side and grabbed Ryan's arms, and continued to moan through contractions which felt like they never quite ended.  I asked for a cold wash cloth on my head and neck because I was so hot!  But I still felt I was in great control, and kept telling myself it was going to get worse.

After about 30-45 minutes of  "real" labor, I felt like pushing.  So I did.  I don't think anyone else realized what I was doing at first! I remember hearing everyone around me- encouraging me I now know- but I don't remember their words.  My arms were wrapped around the outside of the tub, pulling so hard that Ryan told me later he thought I was going to pop the tub!  I switched positions and about 15 minutes later, I birthed my baby and pulled him up out of the water onto my chest.  I remember saying, "Thank you God!" maybe 50 times in a row, I was thankful he was HERE but also thankful that pushing was OVER!

We sat there in our relief and joy and admired our baby. I was so thankful it was all over!

 It took me a few minutes to slip back into reality, and then we turned this baby over to reveal the gender.

It's a boy!!!

We can't say we were surprised because my mama's intuition had me believing it was a boy all along.  We still hadn't decided on a name yet, though.

After a few minutes, I delivered the placenta and got into my own bed to be examined.  Ryan held our unnamed Baby Boy and I was declared healthy, but still bleeding a little too much.  To help with the bleeding, Ryan brought Baby to me and he latched right on; another perfect nursing baby.  What a blessing!

 

At some point I got up while the midwife examined Baby and I took an herbal bath.  My friend and placenta encapsulater stopped by the house to pick up my placenta, and offered to make me a smoothie with a small chunk of my placenta in it to help stop my bleeding.  I drank it all (it tasted delicious!) and my midwife told me she'd feel more comfortable if I took a medication to help stop the bleeding, so I did, and it helped.

I got back into bed with Baby, they packed everything up, and left at around 11 pm.  Ryan and I settled in for the night (the big kids were with Grandma and Grandpa) with our new son!

We slept off and on all night, with him by my side in bed.  <3 p="">
We asked Grandma and Grandpa to bring the kids over around 9 am to meet their new sibling, but Ryan and I wanted to have a name picked out before they came home.  After some discussion and a little bit of flip-flopping, we settled on Theodore Augustine Joseph, and we planned to call him Theo.  We couldn't pick only one middle name- I really wanted both to honor those saints!  So we just went with it!

The big kids came home and met their new brother.  Everyone loved him, even Caeli!  She still called him "Baby French Fry" though, since this was his in-utero nickname due to my craving of extra-salty French fries!

Overall I am so pleased with the way everything went.  Being 13 days past my due date is hard physically, emotionally, and mentally, but if I knew I was going to have a labor like that again it would be so much easier to endure the wait!  Ryan thinks the home birth was SO much better and loved the experience, but it wasn't that huge of a change for me compared to the birth center.  I loved our birth team and was glad we didn't have to get in the car during contractions or several hours after birth to come home.  And it was nice to recover at home in my own bed!  I think Ryan may have loved it so much because we were in our home where HE was still the host and provider; he knew where everything was when someone needed something, and was able to still sort of be in charge.  At the birth center, we were still guests.

We are so thankful for another son, and so happy that he's here!  There is no other feeling in the entire world better than delivering your baby, after waiting for so long, holding him on your chest, and meeting him.  I knew him and he knew me, but examining him part-by-part and admiring his features is still my favorite part of the process!

Recently I've been learning to pray for my specific desires and intentions, and as silly as it sounds, just asking God for what I want and what I think I need while leaving room for His will to be done.  I very specifically prayed for a fast labor, and when people asked if they could pray for me I asked them to pray for a fast labor. God heard and answered me!  Deo Gratias!

Caeli's First Weekend

We introduced Caeli to her older siblings a few hours after we got home.  Ryan and I wanted to try to sneak in a little nap before Beth, Luke, and Jack realized we were home.  We woke up after 9 am and Ryan invited them in our bedroom to meet their new sister.  I think their faces explain their excitement!  I have never seen such authentically happy smiles on their faces.

 

 

 

 

 

Not too long after, Grandma and Grandpa came over to meet Caeli and make brunch for everyone.  Ryan said a prayer welcoming Caeli into our home before we ate.

 

 

The next day we let the big kids hold their littler sister.  (I have been very selfish in holding Caeli.  There's just something about her- I don't want to put her down or let anyone else hold her.  I figure it's some sort of instinct and bonding mechanism so I'm indulging myself in sweet baby smells, kisses, and snuggles.  Sorry to everyone else. ;-)

 

 Ryan, Beth, Luke, and Jack made a birth day cake for Caeli!  

 

 

 On Sunday, my gradmother came over to visit and meet her newest great-grandchild.  She was also very pleased it was a girl- she wanted Beth to have a sister because she has such a loving relationship with her sisters- she wanted Beth to have the same friendship. I hope and pray my girls grow up to be best friends even though they're 7 years apart!

My mom stayed with us after my Dad and brothers had to leave to go back to school.  We were lucky to keep her for almost two full weeks after they'd left, and I also felt we were lucky that Caeli came before her flight!  We were so appreciative of the help she provided in caring for the bigger kids and cooking... I am not sure we would have fared so well in the beginning without her help!  Thank you Mom!

That first weekend, Ryan did a few special activities with the older kids, including building a fire in the backyard.  They did it a couple of different nights, all had lots of fun, and they even made smores a few times!

Jack has been in so much love with "baby gumbo" as he still calls her.  He looooves to kiss her.  He's been such a good big brother!

The Birth of Caeli Rose

It was difficult to wait for labor, but now that it’s come and gone I wonder why I was so anxious and impatient.  But the difficult part wasn’t the labor, it was not knowing when and what and how it was all going to happen.  

My last photo I took, somewhere around 41 weeks.

 We waited for 41 weeks and 4 days for our baby to be born, not knowing the gender and desperately wanting to know how labor would happen.  Although I’d had a perfectly healthy pregnancy, going past 41 weeks meant my midwives wanted me to do a couple of tests to make sure baby was healthy.  That morning I went to the birth center for the two tests- the first was a non-stress test which meant I was hooked up to a monitor to keep track of baby’s heartbeat and my (non-existent) contractions for about 20 minutes.  Her heart rate was perfect and I had no contractions during that time, but laying there was the straps around my waist and listening to her heart gallop made it a little surreal, like delivery was drawing even nearer and I hadn’t fully realized it yet.  The next test was a bio-physical profile, which was basically an ultrasound that checked her placenta, fluid levels, and movements to make sure everything was still in good working order.  It was all perfect, except it was confirmed by my hunches that she was in a posterior position, which means her head was at my left hip, facing my belly button instead of my back.  Her back was along my right side, with her little bottom under my right rib cage.  I felt pretty confident that this was her position because of her movements, but learning that she was posterior gave me a reason to rely on as to why she probably hadn’t decided to come yet.  Also, peek at her squished little face on the ultrasound made me feel like I was somehow cheating, seeing her in a secret place, intruding on her privacy.  I was happy to learn she was well.   I consented to having an internal check- I was already 4 cm dilated, slightly effaced, -1 station,  but my cervix was still a bit posterior.  I asked to have my membranes stripped again (to try to induce labor, the previous attempt 2 days before hadn’t worked), and Ryan and I left the birth center.  I decided just to go home to have some lunch and take a nap.

That evening, I decided to go to confession and adoration at church, since it was Wednesday night and I hadn’t been to confession recently.  My mom and I went together and I was able to relax, meditate, and have an honest conversation with the Lord about all of this.  I was anxious, ready, and impatient.  I knew this was something out of my control, and of course being me it was hard for me to figure out how to exactly “let go.”  After all, God created me to be the person I am- He created me a woman, to procreate, and made my body, heart, spirit, and mind to be a mother.  He knew I would have a hard time surrendering but on the other hand He also knew that’s how He made me.  I was having a hard time grappling with this paradox because I sort of felt like in order to truly let go, I needed to not be the person God created me to be, which didn’t seem right either.  Maybe I just needed to justify the Type A control-freak within me, but whatever the case I left adoration not feeling completely sure of what was being asked of me or what would happen next.  I was happy to receive the sacrament of penance and spend some quiet prayer time though.

My mom and I stopped by for Dr. Pepper on the way home and once we got home, we settled in with Ryan for another quiet evening.  We were chatting and each looking at our own electronic devices (I was looking for schooling inspiration on some blogs) while kneeling and leaning over a chair, trying to encourage baby to turn around.  (I had done a handful of inversions and lots of hands-and-knees time all that day in a poor attempt to flip her around.)  I had a contraction but didn’t think anything of it, because it felt like all of the million other Braxton hicks contractions I’d already had.  Another one came a few minutes later- that one didn’t hurt either, but I thought it was odd that I’d had two so close together.  Another one came, maybe a tad bit harder, and I decided to excuse myself to go take a shower.  In the shower I had several, but they weren’t really painful, but I sort of thought this might be it since I’d had a handful of them so close together.  They didn’t stop, and once I got out of the shower I turned on the tv to some sitcom re-runs to distract myself.  They kept coming.  Finally I had a hard one and decided to tell Ryan and my mom that I thought this was it.  We texted my midwife at about 10 pm to let her know things were starting.  For about an hour I sort of watched Seinfeld reruns while Ryan ran around the house getting everything ready to go, stopping to help me when I felt like I needed his support.  Sometime after 11 pm I had a pretty hard one, and he said he wanted to go to the birth center.  I was fine with that, so we called her again to meet us there and we left.  

We got there around 11:48 PM and I made my way inside.   She checked me- I was 7 cm, 50% effaced, and baby was about 0 station.   At this time I would say my contractions were hard, but they weren’t totally unbearable.  I was definitely uncomfortable but they weren’t coming too fast for me to handle.  The car ride wasn’t too bad either- Ryan told me later he made it in 11 minutes, which must’ve meant he was going a little faster than he should have been!

They immediately drew the bath for me to get in, because when I heard I was 7 cm I was ready to get this show on the road, I thought it would be no more than an hour until delivery.  When I got in the tub my hips and back started to hurt, so Ryan got in with me and applied counter-pressure on my hips.  It felt really good, but he was stuck doing it for over an hour while I labored.  

 

 My midwife checked me again about an hour later and I had an anterior lip still (I was about 8 cm mostly), so I decided to get out because I was cold and I knew in my doula head that an anterior lip meant I should spend some time laboring on the toilet because it would help that problem resolve.  I tried to sit down on the toilet but I just couldn’t- it was an awful position and it hurt so bad, so that didn’t work!  I kept thinking how all I wanted was to take a nap- I was soooo tired and I just wanted to be done.  So I said I wanted to get in the bed, so they propped me up in a good position (on my side, leaning more forward, with my legs propped up with pillows) and that felt pretty good.  As I lay there, my contractions either felt less painful or I entered sort of a half-awake, half-asleep stage.  I was definitely aware that they were happening, and I heard everything around me, but I did doze off a bit because I felt myself jolt awake once or twice.  I think I was on one side for 20-30 minutes, and then I switched to the other side for another 20-30 minutes.  As I was drifting off, I heard Ryan say he needed some coffee, and I heard him leave for a few minutes to go make coffee.  Later after the birth he told me it took everything he had to not crawl into the bed next to me and go to sleep!  He said that “break” for me was a good chance for him to grab coffee and revitalize himself, so I’m glad that he got to have a little break too!

After I had been in that position for 20-30 minutes, I felt her move.  Oh boy did I feel her move, she came down and it buuuuuuurned a nerve on the inside of my left hip.  I also think I told the midwife that I felt a little “pushy,” I may have had a couple of small pushes at that time.  That was the game-changing move, after that I was really ready for this experience to be over.  We drew another bath and I got back in the tub and I don’t know how long I was in there before I decided to try another push.  It actually felt good to push, which I thought was odd because in all of my other labors that was the part I hated the most!  But I wasn’t feeling an intense urge either, and the pain on my hip was so intense that I couldn’t decide if I’d rather have the pain of labor or the pain on my hip.  I finally decided that this had to end.  I was whining that I didn’t want to do this anymore and Ryan kept telling me, “It’s almost over, you’re almost done,” and I said, “You’ve been saying that this whole time!”  At some point I opted to push, even though my body wasn’t doing it involuntarily.  I had a few good pushes – I had to apply intense pressure on the inside of my left hip/groin in order to get through the pushes- and I felt her move down even more, and I decided I was done and I just wanted it over with.  So I really gave it my all and I felt my water break, the pain in my nerve was gone, and all of the sudden I think she was crowning?  I’m not sure because I wasn’t looking (ha!) but I just followed the directions of my midwife- she was all I could hear at that point.  She told me to stop pushing and breath through it- so I did- and the doula in me knew that I was pretty much done- but the laboring mama in me was thinking- “How come this isn’t hurting as bad as last time?”  That “crowning” phase is pretty much the worst pain I’ve ever been in, but I guess her presentation made it a little easier?  It all happened very quickly but also very sowly.  I heard my midwife say, “Pull out your baby!” I looked down and there was a little body under the water, face up.  I scooped up the baby and put her on my chest, and I can tell you there is NO other feeling in the world than the feeling of simultaneously knowing that the pain is over and you have birthed a soul, and the thing you grew in your body for the past 42 weeks is now laying on your chest.  And it’s OVER.  I think the first thing I said was, "Hi baby!  You're so little!"  At this point I was in a sort of ecstasy and wasn’t ready for the surprise to be over, so I sat there with this baby in my arms and enjoyed the moment of being done.

After a few minutes, I am honestly not sure how long, we asked the birth assistant to grab the camera to take a picture of our faces as we found out the gender of our baby.  I lifted up a leg and declared, “It’s another boy!” Ryan was thoroughly confused, and I picked up the leg again and said, “Oh, it’s a girl!”  I blame my half-delirious state and a poorly-placed umbilical cord on my initial incorrect announcement!  Oh the joy and surprise- another girl!  “Beth will be so happy!” Ryan and I both said!  I knew this little girl was the child I felt I knew I would have, the little girl that had been a deep desire of my heart that the Lord knew about.  “Hi Caeli Rose!  You’re here!  I’m so happy you’re here!” I said.

The moment we realized she's a GIRL!

We met our second daughter, laughing about having another girl, for what felt like 10-15 minutes.  Finally, Ryan cut the cord.

Ryan is a pro at cutting cords now.

Caeli was given to our birth assistant then back to Daddy, while I delivered the placenta in the tub.  Our midwife noted the unusual shape of the placenta- sort of oblong instead of round- which our encapsulation specialist later told us probably meant it was just a little more spread out than usual, because it wasn’t quite as dense.  I have no idea if this means anything, but it was a good healthy placenta that wasn’t showing signs of deterioration.  Caeli, on the other hand, was “dated” at 41 weeks, partly because of her peeling skin.  I am so thankful she wasn’t huge- she weighed in at 8 lbs 4 oz, my exact guess!  But that was at nearly 2 weeks overdue; I wonder what she would have weighed had she come on my due date?  She most likely would have been my smallest baby yet!

8 lbs 4 oz!

I was moved to the bed to clean up and nurse Caeli- she immediately latched on and nursed for about an hour!  It was amazing at how simple it was.  All of my babies have been good nursers but she was by far the easiest to get started.  It was like she’d been practicing!

I was overjoyed to have another good nurser.

We sat and nursed while the birth assistant checked our vitals, she and I were both declared in perfect health.  Several weeks earlier we were all slightly concerned about the possibility of me losing too much blood due to several risk factors, but my body knew what to do and it wasn’t on the radar at all, thank God.

Caeli was examined by my midwife.

After the birth and our first nursing session, she and I took an herbal bath together to promote the healing of our bodies.

Very proud Daddy

Putting her in the car seat for the short drive home.

 After about 3 hours, we felt like we were ready to leave.  Ryan packed us up and I locked her in her big brother’s car seat, and we pulled into our garage a little before 8 am.  Ryan and I snuck into our bedroom to hopefully catch some sleep before the big kids even realized we were home!  After a short nap, Ryan got Beth, Luke, and Jack, and brought them in to our bedroom to be introduced to their new baby SISTER!

Beth was ecstatic!  Luke’s face was priceless, and Jack still called her “Baby Gumbo!”  It was such a sweet reunion, such a neat introduction as the older ones realized that the baby was real, and she was here in my bedroom.  They admired her for a bit before they were ushered out again so Caeli and I could rest some more.

Our first morning at home.

The rest of that day was sort of a blur to me.  I was on a high from actually being done with labor and delivery, and Ryan and I were both exhausted from being up all night.  I honestly don’t remember much except that Ryan’s parents came to meet Caeli, we all had a big brunch (I was starving!), our placenta encapsulation specialist came over and started preparations, and I slept and nursed.

Overall I can honestly say I am happy with the way her birth went.  We chose to not hire a doula because I just wasn’t sure about it… I felt sort of like a hypocrite in a way since I am a doula, but I also know that in the past I have been a hands-off kind of laborer.  During Jack’s birth, I didn’t want anyone to touch me- and since that is a HUGE part of what I do as a doula, I just wasn’t sure that I wanted to hire someone.  On the other hand, I know how unpredictable birth could be, so I was concerned that I wouldn’t have enough support if we had a problem or needed to transfer to the hospital.  In the end, I had a sweet doula friend who offered to help me if I needed it, so we left it at that, and for her support I am grateful.  I did sort of get into my own head during labor, and despite teaching Ryan several “moves” I do think it could have been useful to have had someone there to take turns with him .  He provided counter-pressure on my hips for probably over an hour and I remember thinking in that moment, “He’s probably tired of this but I need it.”  There were some things I wish that could have happened, or that someone would have said (things I say to my clients), so I was saying them to myself.  I don’t think I had a typical “transition” but I do remember saying, “I don’t want to do this anymore!” and thinking- I wonder if this means I’m almost done?  And when I was vocalizing, I remember telling myself to keep my moans low, and my throat open… Again, more things I tell clients!  

So far she is the sweetest little thing, perfectly healthy, a wonderful nurser, and she’s definitely got a little set of lungs on her!  Her name is "Caeli Rose." "Caeli" is Latin for "heaven," and is pronounced "Chay-lee." Rose has so many meanings to me, primarily that my birthday falls on the feast day of St. Rose of Lima, we love St. Therese of Liseux,and a rose is Our Lady's flower.  Her name had been chosen for years, though I can't explain it, but I'll try: I can't even remember when it happened, but even before my loss in 2011 I had it in my heart that the Lord would give us another girl and that her name would be Caeli Rose.  I have no idea why this name was pressed on my heart but after my losses, little roses would pop up here and there in my life, and it would always be a subtle reminder to me that my family wasn't complete.  We craved this pregnancy and I feel like my soul knew this baby from the very beginning.  However, I was also in denial because I didn't want to feel disappointed (for lack of a better word) if this baby was a boy.  I wouldn't have been disappointed in the traditional sense of the word, I would have felt like maybe I didn't know my body after all, if that makes any sense.  And we had several beautiful girl's names chosen, all names that I love, but when it came down to it there was never another name for her.  She was always my rose from heaven.

We are all enjoying her so much and I keep saying how happy I am to be on this side of labor- it’s just such a relief knowing that it’s behind me.  However, I do already feel like she’s growing up too fast (and she’s not even a week old yet!), and I just want to hit “pause.”  I am taking it all in and reveling in her smells and little baby sounds- even the sleepless nights are a little easier because I have done it three times already and I know that it’s just a phase, and one day she’ll be in her own bedroom (or in Beth’s room, as Beth wants!) and won’t need me the same way she depends on me now.  We are all so in love and so thankful that God blessed us with another soul that we got to meet, and I depended on the intercession of her two older siblings in heaven to get me through the worries and anxieties of “something going wrong.”  I’m still worried to a certain extent, because I know what can happen in our broken world.  But for now, she’s mine, and I’m going to love her and hold her tightly for as long as I possibly can!  Thank you Jesus, for this miracle!  We are beyond blessed!