Learning How to Sleep

I've been spending some early morning time with this sweet girl.  She's been waking up around 6 am, more or less, since we've started transitioning her to sleeping in her crib all night.  It's been a mostly peaceful process, but that's easier for me to say since it's actually Ryan who is doing most of the hard work.

That's a cute girl, and the early morning sun rising through the windows behind her.  I know exactly the time of the sunrise these days.

A few weeks ago we discussed/discerned/decided that it was time for Caeli to night wean, with the hopes that she'd start sleeping longer stretches.  Waking every two or three hours to latch and nurse back to sleep wasn't horrible, but not entirely restful for any of us anymore.  The three of us just weren't getting good sleep like we used to, and I think we just all needed our space.  So at night when she woke to nurse, I told her "No nursies right now" and patted her as she laid next to me.  The first few nights she yelled and protested, but by the third night I was able to pat her back down pretty easily.

We continued on that way for a week or two and then moved her to her crib.  (She's been going down in her crib for months now, but at night we'd bring her to bed with us when she woke up.  The best of both worlds for me- I get to have my bedroom at night and still got to cuddle with my baby all night!)  It wasn't any different for us to put her down at night, but she was used to coming to bed with us around 11 or 12 and she didn't like that we were staying in her room, trying to walk or rock her back to sleep.  This took a week or so until she realized that we weren't bringing her back down.  This became mostly Ryan's job, as anytime she was with me at night she wouldn't fall back asleep.  Well, we switched off throughout the night, taking turns going to her, but I feel like he really did the bulk of the night shifts.

On the morning I took this photo, she woke up at 5 am and promptly went back to sleep after nursing.  Luckily she's waking up closer to 6:00 these days. 

A week or so later she didn't protest not going downstairs anymore, and became rather easy for us to get back down for the most part.  And this is where we are right now, after a month.  She wakes around 12, and then 2, 4, and finally 6- but she's usually very easy to pat back down to sleep in her crib.   Most nights Ryan heads upstairs when she wakes up and sleeps on a mattress in her room for the rest of the night, just for the sake of convenience.  Which makes me sad but he sad he's totally fine with it for now because it means he's able to get her back down quickly and easily so he just passes out!  When she wakes up at 6, he brings her to me and then goes back to bed for another hour or so while she and I go cuddle on the couch, nurse, and read books and make coffee.

She's out of our bed and in her crib, but we can't figure out how to get her to actually sleep all night, for longer stretches, and I can't really remember how we helped the other kids.  Leaving in her room all night to cry is obviously not an option, and we're not picking her up so she's not cuddling back to sleep.  I just noticed today FOUR (4!) new teeth- possible five- so I'm sincerely hoping that this huge breakthrough will bring her some peace and comfort and allow her to sleep longer stretches!

We had to bring her back to bed with us for a couple of nights when we had some family members over for Easter, and it didn't go very well for any of us.  She woke up screaming and would kick and get mad if I tried to calm her- eventually she'd roll over away from me and go back to sleep on her own.  It wasn't the same peace-filled bed-sharing moments we'd shared earlier, and it made me sad to realize those days were over.  I loved bed-sharing with Caeli more than I did with any other the other kids.  It just worked really well for the three of us and her sleep was just SO much better from day one than with the other three.  She stayed in our bed longer than the other ones and I'm actually very thankful for that because I feel that it was a good thing for our relationship, good that it worked out and that once it stopped working, we were able to recognize it and make a change.  We'd love to get her to sleep all night of course, but those days will come.  That I know for sure.

Children

Today I took the kid's to my Grandma's house for a little lunch and visit. I'm so blessed to be less than 15 minutes from her and to have the opportunity to visit pretty much whenever we want! We enjoyed the lovely breeze outside while Bethany and Luke took turns playing on the tree swing that my Grandfather slung over a tree limb I don't even know how many years before. I commented to her that I loved to see them play like that together, both giggling and laughing with joy...

...Until I gave them the dreaded two minute warning. It was nearing time for us to go home, and I don't usually compromise when it comes to missing naptimes. After two minutes I called for them to come to me and Beth melted down, completely and miserably. I mean this was The Works, screaming, kicking, yelling NO at me, even a couple attempts at hitting me. (This is incredibly unusal behavior for her, and part of me wants to attribute it to her celiac but mostly I think it's just because she's 3-going-on-13.) I had to strap her into the car seat before I could get the boys in, there was not an ounce of cooperation on her part. She cooled down on the way home and had a nap today, I know she's been tired because I hear her jump out of her bed at 6:45 most mornings!

The rest of the day went fine, very well I'd venture to say. Tonight before bed time she and I spent a little extra time rocking. My girl needed some extra hugs and I indulged her, not wanting her to fall asleep thinking about what went wrong today. We talked a little about the meltdown, I asked her what I could have done to help her feel better and obey Mommy better, and she offered her advice (to ask her nicely to get into the car). We agreed that tomorrow we'd each use nice words with each other.

I then explained to her that God gave her to me to be her Mommy, and that she had to learn to obey Mommy and Daddy while she's little so that one day, when she's bigger, she could obey God. I told her that Mommy and Daddy obey God right now because we learned how to obey our parents when we were little. She asked me why we have to obey God and I said that God gives us rules to keep us safe- just like Mommy and Daddy gives her rules to keep her safe. Like not playing on the staircase. She seemed to understand in a way that almost-4-year-olds can.

I think our talk went pretty well, and we finished off our time together by talking about the fun things we would do tomorrow. As I was rocking her in silence I could feel her little body get heavier, and I prayed that God would help me fall head-over-heels into love with her even more. I love my children more than anything, but even on challenging days like today it's hard to see them for what they are- children- and not take their fights personally. I know she doesn't tell me "no" because she's trying to drive me insane, I know she's asserting her independence and testing my limits. Still, it's hard to think about that in the heat of the moment of a heated and very loud argument! Before I carried her to bed, she told me that she loves me more than anything in the entire world, and I cried. That makes it all worth it.

How to behave

I never claimed to be an artist, but this picture at child eye-level gets the point across.

Changing and Growing

Beth and Luke went through a joint growth spurt!

I'll start with Luke. We're still working on signing with him (he hasn't really signed anything back yet) but he seems to be making more of an effort to "communicate" with us. He's started saying "mamamama" which was exciting, because he'd only been babbling b and d sounds up until now. He gets really upset when he doesn't get his way, and he pouts so much I just want to giggle because it's still sort of cute! If he's going for something that he shouldn't (usually a cord!) I say, "No sir Luke!" and sign "no," and he'll turn around and smile huge at me then keep going for it. As if he's saying, "Ya mom, I hear you, but this is the coolest cord ever and I need to put it in my mouth to give it a taste!"

Beth's spurt revolves around her voice. She's been changing vowels around and gets the biggest kick out of it! She'll say, "Mimi and DiDi" instead of "Mommy and Daddy," and so I decided to sing the "Apples and Bananas" song to her. Oh my goodness she loved it! That was definitely a hit, so we sing that at least a few times a day now! She's also using her voice to scream and squeal, and usually she says "no!" in a long, drawn-out squeal. Ohhh it's really testing my patience because it's so shrill and it makes Luke cry! I correct her by saying that in our house, we don't use our voices like that and if she wants to scream she can go outside and use her outside voice. Not sure it would be great for the neighbors to hear her yelling "no!" though. :-/

I just bought a new discipline book called Discipline Without Distress: 135 tools for raising caring, responsible children without timeout, punishment or bribery. The book is thick, it's going to take me awhile to get through it, but the title alone sold me! It looks very promising to me as it goes along perfectly with our no-spank approach and gentle discipline ideal. Now, if only I could find the time to read it- time to get offline! ;-)