Rough day

Today I had one of those days that no mother wants to have. I was grumpy, the kids were grumpy, the house was dirty, and we had places to be and people to see. By the time we got home, kids were starving and tired, mommy was worn down, and the mess really added to the stress level.

All I wanted was to nap. I didn't care about the pile of dishes in the sink, the dirty floor, the mountain of laundry, the diapers to be folded... I just wanted to sleep. I got Luke down then went for Beth. She resisted a little today, most likely sensing my anxiousness to get myself into bed and therefore not paying enough attention to her. I fell asleep while rocking her, jolted myself awake, laid her in bed and practically ran to my bed to try to catch as much sleep as possible before one of them needed me.

But...

Beth wasn't ready to sleep. She came to me, needing to be tucked in again. So I tucked her back in, and got comfortable in my bed again. At this point my head was racing, and I begged God for an hour of sleep or 10 minutes of sleep, whatever I needed to feel rested. I figured if she went down now, she'd be down for an hour, and there'd be a teeny chance that Luke might sleep that long too.

It didn't happen. I was up and down, trying to get Beth to nap and then resettling Luke into sleep, only to discover he didn't want to resettle and 45 minutes was enough. I don't think Beth napped at all.

I was dragging. I was crankier than ever; I bet every mom has felt that way at least once or twice. I couldn't think straight, I couldn't see straight, and I was angry. I was angry because I felt like God wasn't listening to me. I was reasonable afterall, I asked for 10 minutes or an hour. I asked for what I needed, not what I wanted (to sleep all afternoon!).

I guess He had different plans for me. Unfortunately today I failed to sanctify this opportunity for grace. I didn't accept my afternoon of sleeplessness willingly! I remained grumpy and snapped at the kids, I ignored Beth a little because I was angry that she wouldn't nap and I was bitter that Luke wouldn't sleep longer. He needs longer naps, but he just can't do it. I started my chores angry at God for not giving me the little bit of rest I needed.

Looking back on my day, I can't believe how selfish I was. To miss opportunities to enjoy my children. To miss chances for personal growth- instead I fell behind a little. To miss out on an opportunity for redemptive suffering, how I wish I could have offered it up for a special friend who needs my prayers.

Tomorrow will be a better day. God forgives, my children forgive, and my house is now clean thanks to a man that loves me more than I know. Tomorrow I will do better. I will accept my hardships, and realize they're no so hard after all. I have everything I've ever asked of God- a husband, two children, a roof over my head and food to eat. Why was I angry that he didn't give me a 10-minute nap?