Restore

Every day I have blog posts and topics swirling around in my head. Specific topics, like the way the 3 big kids will entertain Caeli while I cook dinner (it's so easy to have a baby with big kids around!), or how we're going on a mission this spring to eradicate the crawfish from our backyard! More posts about how I have started exercising again, how much I love our homeschool co-op, and how blessed I am to be the mommy of 4 amazing kiddos. Another post about Lent, one about Spring Break, and maybe a couple of updates about Caeli (she's 10 weeks old today!). But alas. My creative juices start flowing, but I am hardly ever in a place to write it down. And when I do find time to write it down, the juices aren't flowing and I feel like I'm just recapping events instead of really remembering them.

So tonight I'll write about the Restore workshop I am participating in right now, because I'm just so excited about it! It's an online workshop given by one of my favorite authors and homeschoolers, Elizabeth Foss. 

"And after you have suffered a little while the God of all grace who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, establish, and strengthen you." 1 Peter 5:10

Yes, I have been burnt out.  I need restoring, every single day. I have pushed myself too far before, too many times.  And I'm learning that it happens when I try to deal with all of the trappings of my life, instead of giving it to God in prayer.  I worry, I plan, I control.  But how often do I pray? 

The feeling of "burning out" hits me when it's just too much going on without enough prayer.  It's when things beyond my control start to control my life, and I don't invite God in to lead me.

I'm learning to avoid burn out, because I'm not so great at coping with it once it's hit me! I'm learning my boundaries- saying yes when we can or saying no even when I really want to say yes.  And I think sometimes that comes off to other people as arrogance?  Or maybe that I don't care enough?

Daily I remind myself to let things go, trust in Him, and not be so worried about these earthly things.  My goal has always been heaven- for Ryan, for the kids, and for me.  When I think about that, everything else just hardly seems to matter!

But yes... some things need to be done.  I have to keep the house cleaned because that's an outward way of showing God I am thankful for these things.  I feed my kids the best that I can as an offering of thanks to Him, because He gave us our health and this food.  Many times it's a sacrifice to cook, and sometimes I REALLY don't want to, but they have to eat!  (Oh why do they have to eat so often!)  We have to school, and we have to teach our children to be responsible and holy adults. So yes, there are things that need to be done.

I'm looking forward to the entire workshop!  Who else is doing it? Anyone want to get coffee and talk about it?

Spring at Last!

Today is the first day of spring!!!  I can't tell you how excited we are- well, how excited *I* am!  This winter has been so nasty- dreary, cloudy, cold, and wet.  We've had several occasions that snow was foretasted and temperatures were freezing.  We planted our vegetable garden and it froze a couple of weeks later!  Luckily our little seedlings were strong enough to survive- we lost only two tomato plants.  I think I can finally say we're past the cold weather though.  I expect spring to wet like it usually is, but hopefully we will have more sunny days than not.

A couple of days ago we took the opportunity to get outside at a local state park.  The kids wore their boots and I wore my sunglasses. :-)  Happy spring!

A Friday Night

The house is quiet, except for the quiet sounds of our dishwasher.  All babies are sleeping (for the moment); it's Friday night so it's "sleepover night" at our house.  Beth, Luke, and Jack choose a bedroom and they all sleep on the floor together.  It's a special Friday night tradition, and that also means it's Daddy's "night off" from reading to them because Beth will read to the boys before they turn off the lights and make shadow puppets, giggle, and fall asleep.  I hope they have sweet memories from these Friday night sleepovers!  One day soon we will have the boys share a room again.  Our trial at that several months ago was short-lived because Luke wasn't getting enough sleep.  Beth is begging for Caeli to sleep in her room, and I've promised her that one day she can share a room with her sister if she wants.  I hope that they all become-and remain- the best of friends.

I miss blogging.  I miss tracking the daily little ins-and-outs of our lives, poor Jack and Caeli won't have nearly as much of their babyhood recorded as Beth and Luke did.  But they have nicer photos and big siblings to love on them!

Some days it's hard to believe we are a family of six now.  But most of the time, it's like Caeli was always here with us, and I can't even remember what life was like before.  Here I am, not pregnant... How quickly did that pregnancy fly by?  And she's 7 weeks old already?  Moving her head to the sound of my voice, watching big siblings play and sing and dance?  Every day I stare into her eyes and beg God to always let me remember her dark eyes and her smile that captivates me.  I can't turn away from her when she looks at me like that!  I can't wait to hear her laugh.

We have mostly good days.  Beth is bored because I haven't been able to get back into the groove of school yet.  That's been the hardest part of everything, but I keep telling myself we will get back into our groove and just work later into June than I had planned.  It's too hot to play outside during the summer anyways, right?  We still go to co-op, and made the decision to return again next year too.  It's SO much work for me but after some internal debate, I realized it's just a sacrifice I have to make for my kids.  They love it, and it's been so good for them.  Luke and Jack love their preschool class, and Beth loves (and excels) at all of her subjects.  It's nice for me to hear from her teachers that they're impressed by her reading skills or her knowledge of bible history, US geography, or American history.  Luke has recently started writing REALLY well.  I'm not sure when or how that happened... He was just ready, and it just happened.  I'm so glad I didn't push him when he was younger.  He loves to draw now, knights mostly, and he and Jack are such good friends... When they're not antagonizing each other.

I'm good right now.  I really wish I could find my groove but I know it will happen when it happens.  I am going to participate in the Restore workshop during Lent and I hope that I am able to refresh my spirit and renew my interest in our academics.  I don't know if I am "burned out" in the traditional sense because we haven't been working too hard lately, but I'm off track.  I have a stack of books I want to read too, though I think I might do a better job of getting them read if I ordered them on my new kindle fire.  I know... I said I wouldn't do it.  I love the feel of books in my hands, I said.  But really... It's awesome.  It's easy to read while I'm nursing Caeli and it's super-convenient when I am reading short reflections and want to switch back and forth between books.  And I've been letting Beth play a math game on there to improve her addition and subtraction skills, so I guess she's learning something these days!

And she wakes...

Six Weeks Old

At six weeks old, this baby has stolen all of our hearts!

I know I keep saying it, but time is flying by.  I've come to realize, after everyone has been saying it to me for weeks and weeks, that she looks like Luke.  At first I didn't see it- at first I think she looked more like Jack and Beth! But as she's gotten older she favors Luke.  And OH is he SO proud of that!  He loves hearing people say she looks like him, I think it makes him feel some sort of big brother ownership of her.  I love seeing the softer side of him when he's around her! 

She still does not like her car seat, even though I've calmly explained to her that screaming won't get her out any sooner!  It breaks my heart, but at least I know- now that she's older- that she's not in pain, just extremely displeased.  My poor love.  We cuddle and give lots of kisses when we get to our destination.

She's sleeping well at night and her naps are pretty predictable during the day, but staying asleep is a problem!  It's hard to stay asleep with three big siblings in the next room having so much (loud) fun!  On the whole I certainly can't complain.  We have great days, good days, and not-so-good days occasionally, but at least I am sleeping at night! 

She smiles all the time at anyone willing to talk to her, and she captivates me.  I can't wait to hear her laugh- although I have a feeling that next milestone is just around the corner.  Okay, I CAN wait... I wish she'd stay little like this forever.  Why do babies have to grow up???

Here she is, laying on her blanket made by her great-grandma, which arrived today!  Thank you Grandma!

 

My babies.  I can't get over the noise and energy in our home right now... It's a lot some days, I'm not going to lie!  But I keep hearing that the days are long but the years are short, so I'm really trying to take that to heart.  It's so true for me.  Just looking at my old blog posts, at each of the other kids when they were babies.  They were so sweet and tiny and...quiet, compared to now. ;-) 

Valentine's Day

The suspense has been building up for weeks around here!  Our previous years of Valentine's Day celebrations have been so memorable that they could hardly wait for chocolate chips in their oatmeal, valentine exchange with their friends, and dinner at PF Changs!  We had a beautiful day at the park for the exchange.  Of course they were most excited about the candy... We don't do a lot of candy around here but I do let them indulge (dare I say gorge?) themselves on a few holidays, Valentine's Day being one of them.  I do exchange their lollipops for my gluten-free, dye-free, "healthy" ones (which, in my opinion, tastes better than a regular lollipop!), but they don't seem to mind!

After our morning at the park, we came home for a couple of hours before going out to dinner.  I love our family date night, we still all get dressed up and go all-out... We valet the car, Ryan and I order drinks, we all share an appetizer, we give the kids homemade Valentine's Day cards, and we take them to ride on a carousel.  It's pretty much their idea of a perfect afternoon!  No wonder they look forward to this day every year!

 

Caeli's Baptism

 On February 1, we celebrated Caeli's baptism!  She wore the same baptismal gown that her sister and brothers did, and was a beautiful, quiet little angel through the entire ceremony.  It was celebrated by Father George, who baptized the boys as well, and we had so many friends and a few family members come to help us celebrate Caeli's entrance into Christ's Church.

 

My Beautiful Family

Life with a Newborn

I may possibly kick myself for saying this later, but so far it's been pretty easy. Caeli has been an easy baby.  During the days, she sleeps, she eats, she looks at us for awhile, then she goes back to sleep.  She's generally in a happy mood and she rarely cries.  I do hold her all the time, but I'm okay with that. :-)  I have taken a different approach to parenting this little one, but more on that later! 

 Everyone always asks about sleep first, so I'll start with that. Some days she naps for an hour or two and I'm able to get a lot done.  Other days she only wants to sleep in my arms, and I'm wise enough now to be okay with that, and not worry about all of the stuff I'm not getting done.  In the evenings she likes to be walked around; Ryan and I have made countless laps around the living room while watching primetime TV and Seinfeld reruns (because it's impossible to read or do anything else while pacing around like that!). At some point she may or may not fall asleep, but once I shower and get into bed with her she tends to fall asleep then.  She sleeps next to me all night, she and I usually wake up in puddles of sweat!  But she wakes, I latch her on, and we both fall back asleep together.  Most nights are peaceful and she wakes 3-4 times, and she wakes up between 6:30-7:30, ready for a diaper change and to get out of bed for awhile.  So we get up and she lays on her changing pad for 20 minutes or so, because she's always very happy there!  It leaves me enough time to dress and get breakfast started.  She is ready to go back asleep within an hour though, and on a good day she will go down for at least an hour or maybe longer.  Then it's sort of up and down all day, it just sort of depends on how the day is going for everyone.  

Beth, Luke, and Jack still love her!  Ryan and I don't think anyone is "acting out" from feeling left out, which is another common question we are getting.  I give all the credit to Ryan for that though, he is such an amazing father.  When he gets home from work, he plays with the older three kids and gives them each the attention they crave from their Daddy.  He plays silly games with them, lets them jump all over him, and teaches them what it means to be selfless by being so giving.  I am so proud of him and so blessed to have him as the father of our children.

I do think Jack might be missing me a little, he does seem to be getting into a little more trouble these days... But I am working on trying to give each of them some undivided attention every day.  Hopefully it will get a little easier on everyone, but as of now, both Ryan and I realize we are in the phase of parenthood where we're just trying to keep everyone alive and happy for awhile.  "Survival mode."

They do adore their little sister.  Jack is constantly kissing her, Luke spends a lot of special time looking at her and talking to her when I lay her on the floor, and Beth likes to hold her as often as I'll let her.  Beth has become very... I can't quite find the word... Insistent on constantly helping and being a part of everything I'm doing.  It's helpful but it's also smothering me a little bit.  It's hard to be so giving when my body is being consumed by Caeli all day, and then everyone else wants a piece of me.  It's overwhelming and demanding, but it's part of this stage in life.  I've done it before, and in some ways this time it's easier because Jack is 3.5.  Luke was only 20 months when Jack was born, and Beth was still a baby too.  Now, they're all such big helpers, can get themselves mostly ready when we have to leave the house, and keep each other entertained when they play nicely together.  But, whether they'll admit it or not (they won't!), they're all still my babies and all still need their mama's hugs and kisses.

We are starting to get some smiles out of Caeli.  She will be one month old tomorrow, it seems a little early for smiles (I can't remember!) but she is definitely smiling at us!

I don't know if it's my age, my experience, or my placenta pills, but I feel like I've been more easy-going and casual this time.  It's probably a combination of everything! I am totally NOT worrying about Caeli's "sleep schedule" or trying to predict when or how she'll fall asleep.  I'm NOT worrying about a clean house or what or when we will eat (it always manages to happen).  I am NOT worrying about the shape of my body because I know that I can't do much about it right now.  And I am definitely NOT worrying about holding her too much or sniffing her sweet head too much!  I just canNOT get enough of this girl, I have bonded so well with her and I am so thankful to actually be feeling this way!

So, for now, we are back to life as usual.  I drove everyone to co-op last week, school is back in session, the visitors have stopped coming by, and clubs and activities have picked up.  In fact, Luke and Beth start soccer next week!  I hope to start some sort of a consistent exercise routine soon and maybe get a spring garden planted one weekend.  This is good.  I'm ready for life to be back to normal again... With the addition of one cute additional family member! 

Caeli's First Weekend

We introduced Caeli to her older siblings a few hours after we got home.  Ryan and I wanted to try to sneak in a little nap before Beth, Luke, and Jack realized we were home.  We woke up after 9 am and Ryan invited them in our bedroom to meet their new sister.  I think their faces explain their excitement!  I have never seen such authentically happy smiles on their faces.

 

 

 

 

 

Not too long after, Grandma and Grandpa came over to meet Caeli and make brunch for everyone.  Ryan said a prayer welcoming Caeli into our home before we ate.

 

 

The next day we let the big kids hold their littler sister.  (I have been very selfish in holding Caeli.  There's just something about her- I don't want to put her down or let anyone else hold her.  I figure it's some sort of instinct and bonding mechanism so I'm indulging myself in sweet baby smells, kisses, and snuggles.  Sorry to everyone else. ;-)

 

 Ryan, Beth, Luke, and Jack made a birth day cake for Caeli!  

 

 

 On Sunday, my gradmother came over to visit and meet her newest great-grandchild.  She was also very pleased it was a girl- she wanted Beth to have a sister because she has such a loving relationship with her sisters- she wanted Beth to have the same friendship. I hope and pray my girls grow up to be best friends even though they're 7 years apart!

My mom stayed with us after my Dad and brothers had to leave to go back to school.  We were lucky to keep her for almost two full weeks after they'd left, and I also felt we were lucky that Caeli came before her flight!  We were so appreciative of the help she provided in caring for the bigger kids and cooking... I am not sure we would have fared so well in the beginning without her help!  Thank you Mom!

That first weekend, Ryan did a few special activities with the older kids, including building a fire in the backyard.  They did it a couple of different nights, all had lots of fun, and they even made smores a few times!

Jack has been in so much love with "baby gumbo" as he still calls her.  He looooves to kiss her.  He's been such a good big brother!