Vacation!

At the beginning of September, we took a 2-day road trip to my parent's new home in North Carolina.  Yes, two full days of driving.  I suppose this is normal for some people who have always lived far away from family, but this was a first for us (the furthest we've gone in the past is one day, up to Kansas).  I spent lots of time mentally preparing for the trip, looking up tips for traveling with children, and trying to come up with a plan that I thought would help it go smoothly for us.  The effort was worth it, mostly, I think... It was so nice to see my parents and 2 brothers in their new beautiful lake house, the 9 days we spent there was not long enough!  It was odd but fun to meet their new friends, who know of my existence but basically see my parents as having only two kids (but there's 4 more of us!).  It was a beautiful part of the country, a part I haven't spent a lot of time in, and the weather was still a bit warm but that was good since we were on the lake!  Maybe- hopefully- one year we'll get to see the fall colors or maybe even winter snow!

8 am sunrise

We left on a Saturday morning at 6 am.  I packed the car pretty lightly but with a plan (of course), by having a big tub of stuff next to Beth in the back that I had no intention of taking out of the car until we got to North Carolina.  We had an overnight bag packed for our hotel stay, food for meals packed at the feet of Luke's carseat, and a box with books/small toys/work binders stuffed between the boy's seats.  Our plan was to stop at all of the state borders and after meals, so they could get out of the car and run around.  It's too hard for me to plan gluten-free restaurant stops along the way, plus I didn't want to make them sit in a restaurant and eat when it's easier to pass time in the car while eating!  As it turned out, this plan worked rather well.  I feel like overall we made enough stops but not too many, usually we drove 2-4 hours at a time.  I found I needed to stretch quite a bit too, apparently 2 days in the car at 20-something weeks pregnant is a little harder than I thought it would be!

First rest stop- Louisiana! We got eaten alive by mosquitoes!

Somewhere in Louisiana (or maybe Mississippi?) we pulled out these bad boys.  DVD players.  Unfortunately they didn't all work very well but they kept them entertained for 1.5 hours or so.  Beth's battery died first so I'd let her use my phone to listen to audio books (she managed to listen to the entire Wizard of Oz book in the car.)

Yup, Jack was still rear-facing.

 For our first night, we stopped in Montgomery, Alabama.  (I am not sure why I don't have a pic at the Mississippi or Alabama borders, but in Alabama we ran into some people who lived less than 10 minutes away from us- small world).  In Montgomery, my dad put us up in a 2-bedroom hotel room that had a kitchen, which was super nice!  As soon as we arrived, we unpacked our overnight bags and Ryan and the kids went and hopped in the pool.  I had to hunt and gather for food in an unknown town with no gluten-free restaurants, and after being in the car for so long and feeling sore I was on the verge of tears.  I  went into the closest grocery store and they had *nothing* that was gluten free.  I talked to a cashier and she asked someone else (good grief) and they finally came up with another store that was only a few minutes away.  That's when I discovered the beautiful store that was Fresh Market, and I think I heard angels singing the Hallelujah chorus as I walked in and realized they had so many options for us!  I grabbed some frozen dinners, fresh fruit, and sushi for Ryan and myself and went back to the hotel to get it ready while everyone finished burning off energy in the pool.  Showered and happy, they had dinner and fell asleep rather easily that night.

The next morning was Sunday and we had less driving to do so we didn't need as early of a start (though the kids were up at, ahem, 5:30). We had breakfast, went to mass and leisurely packed up, setting off around 10ish (I think).  We passed the Georgia border because the boys were asleep so we stopped at a gas station somewhere after Atlanta.  They found sticks while Ryan set up the DVD players again!

Next stop, South Carolina!  It was sunny!  And they wanted to climb trees. :-)

 

 

And finally, North Carolina.  We thought we were on the home stretch, didn't realize we still had over an hour or so left!

I should have taken a photo of us pulling into their driveway, of everyone clapping and cheering that we were finally there, but instead I felt overwhelming relief to see them and to FINALLY be there!  It was about 6:30 pm, everyone was DONE with being in the car and we were all hungry!  We unloaded, visited and played, ate, and I hated to do it but I went to bed pretty early that night!

Monday and Tuesday were great days to stay home, get to know the new house, play with old toys and visit more.  Ryan took the kids out on the canoe.  I found a Fresh Market nearby and was able to get some gluten free food for Beth!  Wednesday, Ryan and I took the kids to a wildlife park where we got to ride on the back of a horse-drawn wagon and feed/pet wild animals.  I also found a chiropractor and had a much-needed adjustment!  Thursday we rented a boat and spent the afternoon on the lake, and Friday we stayed home until we had some guests show up- Ryan's brother, sister-in-law, and their two kids!  They live several hours north of my parents and were able to take a few days to come down for a long weekend, since we see them only once a year or so it was a nice treat for everyone!  Saturday we celebrated Josh's birthday and watched the Aggie game, Sunday we stayed home and Monday morning they left.  We started packing up Monday afternoon for our Tuesday morning departure.  The days flew by... Everyone had such a nice time (at least I think they did!) and it was a perfect blend of staying home and going out for activities.  After two days in the car, making too many short road trips with the kids was out of the question!

A quick trip to a nearby park on Monday.

Didn't look that much different than home!

Waiting for Beth and Luke to come back onthe canoe.

This is literally my parent's backyard.

 

Wednesday we took the kids to an exotic animal farm/petting zoo place.  We paid for a horse-drawn wagon ride through their huge refuge with many unsual animals, and fed many of them out of our hands.  It was quite an experience and super fun for the kids!  They did NOT enjoy being in the car for another hour one-way, but I think the experience was worth it!

Feeding camels

Goats, emus, etc.  The emus were pretty demanding and rough!  We learned quickly not to hold our buckets too close to the edge of the trailer!

Overwhelming huge giraffes!

They ate straight out of the bucket!

Sleepy sleepy boy....

Some sort of white deer?

Thursday afternoon we rented a pontoon and headed out to the lake.  The kids LOVED it, and Luke still talks about going back to North Carolina so we can ride on the boat again!  We cruised the lake, everyone (but pregnant me!) took turns tubing, we swam in the middle of the lake, and headed back right in time before a torrential downpour!  Given that this was their first time doing anything like this- swimming in the middle of the lake- I was so surprised at how well they all took to the water and how comfortable they quickly became swimming around when their feet couldn't touch the bottom.

So excited to be on a boat!

Luke and Daddy. 

Cool stuff.

I loved his wind-blown hair after his rides!

I am so surprised how well they all did swimming in the lake, when they have practically no experience with swimming like this.

The extra kid in there is my youngest brother, who was "sick" that day from school. ;-)

Friday was the day we welcomed Ryan's brother and family in from Virginia.  They took a long weekend and came to stay in my parent's basement- what a fun time and such a blessing since we otherwise only get to see them a couple of times a year!  

Time to get down to business and start playing cars on the back of the couch.

Of course we took them to the dock for canoeing, jet skiing, and fishing.

PawPaw's jet ski, the kids had so much fun on this!  And when I say kids, I mean Ryan too. ;-)

Little Matthew wanted a turn too!  He just sat on it with Uncle Ryan.

Jack's catch!

Saturday was Aggie game day and Uncle Josh's birthday!  And lots and lots of playtime, of course.

Aggies versus Alabama game day

A little bit of our own football game during halftime.

Happy birthday Josh!

We celebrated Josh's birthday that night with a little cake and some brownies- taking into consideration everyone's special diets, of course. But yes.  There was most certainly cake. :-)

Sunday we went to mass, played in the house and on the dock some more.  And loved on those little nephews of ours... I hope and pray we get to see more of them in the future!!!

He didn't jump in.

Matthew

Christopher

cousins!

buddies!

On Monday morning, they left bright and early and we spent the rest of the day staying close to home, cleaning, and packing our stuff.  I was super prepared for our trip on the way and a little less prepared for the trip home, but all in all it worked out.  I wasn't able to prepare as much food ahead of time on the way home which meant we had to find a place to eat for dinner on our first night of our trip home, but though it wasn't ideal it worked out.

We left before sunrise on Tuesday morning for the drive home.  We had a hotel booked in Mobile, Alabama so we had a full day of driving ahead, this time not worrying about stopping at state lines as much as just trying to make it.  The kids were NOT happy about traveling again.  Luckily we had a nice start to the trip, just several hours in for our first stop we were able to stop by my college roommate's house in South Carolina!  It was so nice to see her in her home with her two babies!  We couldn't stay for too long, but the break was nice for the kids, and they weren't happy about hitting the road again.  But... we had to.

We were all about to lose our minds in Montgomery, Alabama.  We decided to circle around and found this park- an oasis in a pretty crummy part of town.  But it was God-sent.

They played for half an hour while I walked around the sidewalk to stretch and blow off steam.  Then we crashed the golf club's bathrooms, haha.  Again, they weren't happy to be getting back in the car but at least we had 30 or so minutes of being out of the car.

A few more hours... Boring Alabama highways... This guy in the back seat saying, "When are we going to be there?" about 1,264,982 times....

We finally made it to our hotel, ate some quick microwave dinners, and hit the pool for some destressing and relaxation!  I don't know how long we all played in the pool but it was so nice- the weather was perfect, the kids were happy, and no one else was around.  We had a regular hotel room this time- two queen beds- and so I slept with Jack and Ryan slept with Beth, while we madeLuke an air mattress bed on the floor.  It was... cozy.

I wish I could say the second day of driving was easier but it wasn't.  I will say that a single pinterest idea saved the day- I had purchased a box of bandaids from the dollar store and gave them to Luke.  His attitude changed as he unwrapped and carefully chose the colors and placed them on all of his boo boos.  Jack played with them too.  Best $1 I ever spent, as they were still playing with them when we pulled into our driveway around 6 pm that evening.

I have major respect for families who make a drive like this on a regular basis!  Maybe it will be easier when they're older, or when we have a bigger car, or if we have movie screens that actually hold a charge... But in the mean time, I don't think we'll be able to go back next year since we'll have a baby.  I can't imagine driving that trip with a baby!  But I am so sad that we won't be back anytime soon either.  It was such a beautiful vacation- from the house to being able to spend time with my parents and 2 brothers in their new house, to seeing their beautiful new surroundings and experiencing "lake life" with them. Luckily, they are able to come back to see us a couple of times a year. :-) 

A Letter to My Future Self

I am sitting here at 9 pm, with chores done, groceries put away, and a clean house.  I could take this time to read, sew, or watch TV with my husband if I wanted to, because the kids are sleeping peacefully and I have no doubt they'll be in their beds until 7:00 in the morning.  It's taken awhile to get to this point, because the only reason the chores are done right now is because they actually help me do the chores now.  They are forming habits of picking up after meals (sweeping and clearing the table), and putting toys and play things away before bedtime.  They help dust and vacuum.  They help take care of our pets and they can stack the books nicely on the bookshelf.   They play while I do the deep cleaning, so I actually have time to get it done.

They are 6 years 8 months, 4 years 10 months, and 3 years 2 months.  3 years and 2 months is young, but he is not a baby or a toddler.  He is a pretty self-sufficient preschooler.  He needs help putting his shoes on but that's about it.

I am telling you, future Stephanie, this information, because in a few months you'll probably be in the pit again.  You'll know in your mind you should be happy and you should be counting your blessings, but your house will be a mess and you might not be eating as well as you've been getting used to.  You'll probably smell like sour breastmilk, have a few extra pounds (or more) lingering, be EXHAUSTED to the max, and feel like running away. 

But that won't be all.  You'll want JUST ONE MOMENT to yourself, you might let the baby cry in his or her bouncer seat for a moment so you can go to the bathroom by yourself.  You'll let the older kids watch too many movies and school probably won't go as well as you want.

You'll feel like you're the last person whose needs are being met, you'll think you were crazy for actually wanting another baby.  You'll beg, pray, and plead with God to change things.  To just let this baby sleep.  He may or may not answer you the way you want (probably not the way you want, because He knows what's best for you, afterall, and rarely is what you want the same thing as what's best). 

When you're feeling beat up, done, and ready to run away, remember this post.  Remember how you begged God for this gift of a baby, how badly you craved his or her smell, and how badly your breasts want to nurse another baby.  How you watch women give birth and wish it were you, even after the sacrifice of giving up your body for 40+ weeks, the intensity of labor and delivery and recovery, you still want this.  From the bottom of your heart.

Remember that saying yes to God and being open to His will is never a mistake.  Remember that He provides and He blesses.  You, Stephanie, are not the provider- you are His instrument and these children are His.  They are entrusted to you, and no one else, because He deemed you worthy of being their mother.  Remember this.

Hold on.  It will get easier.  Remember today?  You had a nap, because the kids washed the car while Ryan cleaned out the garage.  You cleaned the kitchen while Jack played "knight" int he playroom while Beth and Luke played in the sprinkler in the backyard.  Then Jack helped you fold a load of clothes, talking to you about how he wanted to make four piles of clothes instead of only three.  You and Ryan each had time to yourselves to do some chores, then sit on the patio with ice cold water while the children played with each other.  Because they're old enough to do that now- to not need to be held and entertained every single second.  And while you don't really miss that feeling yet (being needed all the time), you hear that one day you will miss these moments.  For now, you can sit back and savor them, because you know that come 7:00, it will be showers, books, and bedtime, then you get another several hours to do whatever you want.  How easy this is!

I know you've been through hard times before.  I know somewhere in your memory is the pain and dark feelings of motherhood.  Luckily now, three years down the road, those memories are distant.  They are a part of you always, and whatever you're going through now will be added to that box of dark memories in your past.  But the box will get shoved to the back again, collect dust, and fade.  Because that's what time does- it fades memories.  The good ones too, unfortunately, but that's why you have this blog- to remind you of how good and beautiful and amazing your life is.  You are blessed, even now, in your pain.

So wait it out.  This baby may cry lots, or s/he may sleep lots.  He might be just like your other babies, or he might be a whole new sort of child you've never had before.  Whatever the case, you WILL get through to the other side and you WILL learn to just let things go.  To manage your expectations.  To help Beth, Luke, and Jack be siblings who love and help.  To let the house collect dust while you nurse your sweet love.  You will enjoy cooking meals again, you won't be doing diaper laundry forever, and you will lose the weight and feel like your old self again.  You might even have another vacation with just Ryan, though with four kids now instead of just three, things might get a little tricky!  You will laugh, you will cry, you will feel righteous anger, and you will be selfish.  Remember- one day at a time.  Think of the future but get through your day.  Get some sunshine in your eyes.  Try to walk around the block a few times a week.  Ask for help.  Eat well- take your vitamins!!!

Remember what you say to yourself now- "Jesus, I trust in you."  It's about heaven.  They're not your kids- they're on loan from the Lord.  How are you helping them on their journey back to the Lord?

Most of all, breathe.  Take a step away if you need to- don't act in the moment.  Breathe, sweet mama.  Breathe.  This time will be over before you know it.

Our Back-to-School Post

For the 2013-2014 school year, Beth will be in 1st grade, Luke will be in Pre-K4, and Jack will be in Pre-K3.  We have a lot of the same activities going on this year- we've dropped a couple but added one big one.  Beth is so excited to be telling everyone she's in first grade! We started school on August 12, and just wrapped up our third full week of school.  So far it's going great, I think even better than last year!

I'll start with the boys, since they'll be easiest to write about!  Neither Luke nor Jack will be following a formal curriculum as I don't think either of them need or want that right now.  I have two brand-new workbooks for Luke: a Getty Dubay first handwriting book general math/handwriting workbook.  Since we follow Charlotte Mason's philosophy of using living books and quality literature, Luke will be able to participate in some of Beth's lessons to the extent that he wants- and I suspect he'll be very interested in her literature books. ;-)  Last year he'd participate in religion and history sometimes too, and I bet he'll also be interested in our science as it's very family-oriented.  My goals for him this year are to foster creativity and let him be little, get as much outside time as possible, learn some handicrafts, and work on good habits and virtue.  He will also be attending a Pre-K class with Jack in our new co-cop, which I know he'll LOVE! 

Jack is a new 3-year-old, and I have no expectations of him this year other than to play, learn, and grow.  His imagination makes me laugh- I hear him playing "baby" by himself with a doll and he talks to the baby and tells her what to do... It cracks me up.  At this point, he is playing generally very well with Luke- for the past 3 weeks of school the two of them have been playing nicely together for the nearly two-three hours Beth and I do school work.  AMAZING.  What a blessing- and don't I know it.  Sometimes they will quarrel or come sit and listen to what we're reading, but for the most part they're playing!

Beth has seven primary subject this year.  I am mostly following a second-grade curriculum from Mater Amabilis, making a few changes.

1. Math- She is finishing up her first grade book from Abeka, she should be done by Christmas break.  After that I'm not sure what we'll do yet, she wants to change programs so I have to do a bit of research.  She hates the repetition of  math facts, but she loves the cutesy pages and when we play games and use manipulatives.  So we'll see...

2. Religion- Each day we do something a little different.  Monday we read A Life of Christ for Children, Tuesday we do a lesson from Fath and Life 1, and Wednesday we do a saint study (right now studying Juan Diego using this book, usually 3 chapters/lesson, and supplementing with library books and coloring pages- you know she loves to color!).  She is also continuing to learn her Latin prayers- we are over halfway done with the Our Father right now- we just memorize a line/week using Pray It In Latin).  Starting in January we will begin Faith and Life 2 and First Holy Communion prep using the Baltimore Catechism and the St. Joseph First Communion Catechism.  I would like for her to receive her First Holy Communion at Easter when we have family members in town to celebrate, but I still have lots of details to work out! 

3. English- Every day the goal is 2 pages of handwriting and 3 pages of phonics from Explode the Code 2.5.  She's reading well now, so I don't have a "reading" course anymore- she reads to me now when I ask her to.  She also does dictation and copywork.  Dictation is twice a week- I am starting small while she is still learning how to do it- I write a short easy sentence down for her to study the spelling and punctuation, then I take it away and repeat the sentence to her while she writes it down.  This is basically her introduction into spelling and grammar, Charlotte Mason-style.  Copywork is usually scripture or a poem we're working on, but I haven't been as worried about this formally since she is technically doing copywork with her handwriting program.

4. Literature- We are reading Swords and Sorcerers (King Arthur!), Greek Mythology, and poetry from the Harp and Laurel Wreath.  She is memorizing poetry and narrating the other stories back to me.  I think we all enjoy this part of our school day- cuddling on the couch and reading new stories!  In the evenings Ryan usually reads a chapter from one of the Laura Ingalls Wilder books- they're on Little House on Plum Creek right now.  Sometimes he and Beth take turns reading to each other.

5. History- Okay this gets a little confusing, even for me!  The curriculum we follow uses living books to teach history, which I love and will continue to do because I have already seen the fruits of this style of learning, but our co-op is learning Early American History using a Seton textbook.  So my plan is to follow the textbook's lessons (Columbus, Pocahontas, etc.) that she'll be learning about each week, and use a day at home to supplement with a living book.  This will require some planning on my part... Which I haven't started yet since we haven't started co-op yet!  So for now in that time space we are planning a trip and studying the geography of where we will be going!  Works for me. :-)  Tuesday is Weather and Climate and Wednesday is a rotating book.  We are learning about European history, and have started with the book Vendela in Venice, which is a wonderful book about a little girl's trip to Venice with her father.  Each week we read several pages then study the maps for location, geography, and rivers, etc.  I know they're all learning something because one day she asked me if we could ride on a vaporetto and see the golden horses when we visit, just like Vendela did.  And they were all playing "gondola" one day, trying to recreate the straw hats the gondolier's wear! We have also watched a few youtube videos about Venice, to reinforce everything and present it in a different way.  We are also starting a very rough timeline on index cards, at this point the concept of chronological order of the history of the world is still forming in her little brain so it's very rough still!

6. Science- We do science every day, because it's something we all enjoy for the most part.  We are using Natural Science Through the Seasons supplemented with the Handbook of Nature Study.  Each week includes a little experiment that have been easy enough for us all to do together at home- right now the first few chapters have been about plants so we've made clippings and are trying to root new geraniums, setting white carnations in dyed water, and even made flower arrangements!  We do these lessons two days a week, and the other day we are reading from the Burgess Bird Book for Children.  We listen to bird calls from allaboutbirds.org and have learned about their nesting and migration habits, along with the temperaments of some of the birds.  Either I read this or I have Beth listen to it from booksshouldbefree.com.  She is really enjoying this book, and also the Animal Book which we've been listening to on long car trips.  LOVE that website!  We will also be going on weekly nature walks in the co-op, and attending a once-a-month nature class at a local nature center.

7. Arts- We are studying the life of an artist per term, using living books of course, and doing picture studies on his/her art.  Right now we're studying Monet and I can't tell you how much she (and I!) have both learned already.  We have already finished Linnea in Monet's Garden and picked up a biography or two on him.  We have Katie Meets the Impressionists and after studying Degas and some Renoir last year, I think she has a good understanding of Impressionist art.  But she's actually getting to know Monet and his family- which is more important to me than her memorizing facts and dates.  We're also reading about Vivaldi and learning his music, though there are not many living books on him as there are Monet!  She is taking a twice-a-month art class, and will be starting piano lessons at the end of September.

We do all of this in about 2.5-3 hours, have lunch, then have rest time.  After rest time, we usually read a short story during snack time, a story about virtue... Or being nice to each other, or obeying mommy, or whatever the issue of the day might be... Heh.  Afternoons will be spent on handicrafts- my goal is to start something on Monday so Beth can pick it up during the week whenever she wants to.  We will be sewing, crocheting, embroidering, making clothes for our new gnomes/fairies people, and baking.  And doing chores, and playing with friends... Honestly we've stayed pleasantly busy so far that we're not feeling rushed and crazy, the house is actually staying in pretty decent shape, and I've been able to keep good meals on the table.  I'm going to enjoy it while I can, because I know it won't be this easy for much longer!

The big thing we're adding to our schedule this year is our once-a-week co-op.  I am so excited about this!  Every Thursday, we will start our day by attending mass, then Beth will go to class with K-2 graders and Luke and Jack will go to a preschool room.  I stay and help out as I'm needed, as I am not a teacher this year.  Beth will have classes in US Geography, Bible History, PE, Art, Language Arts, Nature Study, and American History.  We all come together for an hour of lunch and playtime in the middle of the day, and they're going to wear uniforms!  They're all excited about it but they really have no idea what's going to happen.  I'm hoping Jack will enjoy the preschool program as much as I KNOW Luke will!

I know some might look at our list and just gawk!  But it works for us at this moment.  And our plan for school is one year at a time.  I have a day planner that I've done my lesson planning in, so we are set to go for the whole fall semester. Overall, as I continue to read through Charlotte Mason's writings,  I am trying to stick to her idea that education is an atmosphere, and continue to create a beautiful home filled with beautiful art and music, an understanding of virtue and good habits.  It's still pretty chaotic most of the time, but we're all working on it and we're all getting better at it.  We are educating the children for eternity, to recognize the beauty in our world, and to have a relationship with the material that they learn.  Please pray for us this year!  Good luck to all the other back-to-schoolers out there!

Baby N.

Another perk to birthday week last week was it also happened to be the time for our 20-week ultrasound!  Baby checked out fine, healthy and beautiful, and honestly I think I see a bit of family resemblance already!  As planned, we are not finding out the gender of this baby ahead of time- gender remains a secret from the world!  I am so excited that we were strong enough to wait!

I was almost 22 weeks when we had this ultrasound, and here's my belly pic.  I am so proud of it!  I can't believe I'm already halfway done, that I'm gestating a healthy baby, and having a relatively easy pregnancy so far.  The only tricky part- which is really more of an inconvenience than a health problem I think- is that my varicose veins on my left leg flared up pretty badly as I hit my second trimester.  I ordered some new prescription-strength compression hose and have been experiencing some relief, though I won't have complete relief till the pregnancy is over and my blood volume goes back to normal.  I am not sure if I'll have to have another (or choose to have) another vein procedure- I guess we will see how it goes after baby is born!

We are still bouncing around name ideas.  I have a couple of girl names that I love, and we're still stuck on those tough boy names.  Luckily we still have a while to figure it all out.  But if you ask Ryan, he's likely to tell you some outlandish silly name with a straight face, so whether or not you choose to believe him- you've been warned!

This baby is so active.  Which is funny because I didn't feel any definite movement until the baby I was 18 weeks and 6 days- then that day, all of the sudden, baby went WILD and has not stopped.  I suspected I had an anterior placenta because of the lack of fetal movement I was feeling, and the fact that we always had such a hard time finding the heartbeat using the doppler.  It was confirmed at the ultrasound that the placenta is in fact anterior, but that really means very little except that we might have a hard time hearing the heartbeat.  And frankly that doesn't worry me anymore since I'm having my guts constantly kicked- I know s/he is active and well in there!

Birthday Week!

Ryan and I celebrated our birthdays last week- both were pretty casual since they weren't "milestone" birthdays for either of us!  Ryan's was on a Monday, so after work I made Ryan one of his favorite dinners (lemon chicken with butternut squash fries and lemon parmesean broccoli), and we had baked peaches with vanilla ice cream for dessert!  He ate till his heart was content, then read his birthday cards from the kids, and then we gave him his gift- some cologne he'd been no-so-subtly hinting about.  I had a secret gift for him- my neighbor has a vinyl laser cutting machine and offered to help me make a sign for above our bed.  It's been an odd space to fill so I had the idea to custom-make something- I'm so happy she helped me!  I love the way it turned out- and he loved it too. :-)

(This was before we hung it on the wall!)

My birthday was on a Friday and we had a pretty quiet day at home.  I asked Ryan to grill some hamburgers, and he added sauteed onions as a special treat. ;-)  He also made some grilled jalapeno poppers and brownies!  Yummy.  We had planned a dinner date the night before to go shop for a birthday gift for me, but I had a birth to attend so I took a rain check!    Mama needs a couple of new pairs of shoes and maybe a new mixing bowl!

Summer According to Instagram

art camp

Beth started her summer with an art camp at a local art league.  She went three days for two hours each day, and was in a "class" with one other girl her age.  They focused on jungle animals and learned different techniques.  She had fun and I could see her employing the techniques at home after her camp was over.  It's nice to know she had fun AND learned something. :)

stealing tomatoes from my garden

We had an abundant crop of small tomatoes this year, orange grape tomatoes.  Once the kids figured out they liked them, I couldn't keep them from sneaking outside to pull tomatoes and eat them in the backyard.  They even picked the ones that weren't ripe yet and ate those too.  Ryan and I couldn't complain... After all, they were eating tomatoes, and getting to them before the cardinals found them and started stealing the rest.

hunting lizards in the garden

Even though it was a million degrees, since it hardly rained the mosquitoes were practically nonexistent this year.  We can handle the heat, so most afternoons the kids donned swimsuits and headed outside for playtime in our plastic baby pool.

refinishing a pew for the house

We haven't had too many house projects- I think we were still a little burnt out from the kitchen remodel- but we have a few things in mind.  This pew came to us from a neighbor, and though Ryan has fixed it up I have yet to paint it!

a staple in her head

Beth, our stunt girl, was standing on a moving swing at a friend's house and tripped on her skirt, falling and hitting her head on the fort.  After a few minutes of lots and lots of blood, I decided to take her to the emergency room.  Sure enough, she had a gash big enough to warrant a single staple, or some stitches- and the ER doctor gave her the option of what she wanted.  She chose a staple, I think partly because Finley had had surgery a few days prior and he himself had a few staples!

riding on two wheels!

He just took off one day!  Ryan spray painted Beth's old bike, which is really small and low to the ground, I think the lower center of gravity helped! 

summer reading program and trips to the library

The kids participated in the summer reading program at the library, and it really boosted Beth's interest in reading as much as she could and recording everything on her reading log.  Their prize pack was a bunch of coupons to places we'll never eat, but they each got a certificate that that all treasured!

18 weeks pregnant with Baby Gumbo

My pregnancy is going well.  Every day we are feeling so blessed!  The kids are loving watching my belly grow, asking me if the baby can hear them yet, if he's reading books, and if he's wearing clothes.  It's so cute to watch them be so curious!

Jackson is THREE

June 24, 2013

My sweet Jack Jack,
I don't even have the words for you.  You have always been and still are my sweet, sweet boy.  You melt me and get your way with me, it's definitely not fair!  You are talking non-stop now, and the conversations you and I have are always so fun and silly.  Just this morning you were picking out your clothes to wear and you were being so silly, giggling and laughing as I sat on your little toddler bed.  You have millions of questions for me but one of the silliest things about you is that you copy what everyone else says, and sometimes I don't even think you realize you're doing it until I look at you and give you a silly look, and you melt into laughter.  You LOVE Jesus and your favorite books is a children's version of Stations of the Cross- you call it "My Jesus Book" and you are always so concerned that they killed Jesus, but then turn the pages and say, "He comes back!"  You play mass and altar server and I can't help but wonder what God has in store for your precious little soul.  I hope you're always able to hear Him in your life, and always have the will and the strength to follow the path he has for you- THE perfect path for YOU.  My sweet guy, my baby.  I will cuddle you for as long as you let me, cover you in tickles and kisses and prayers and love.

 

I have always tried to respect your will and your autonomy, from the first day of your life.  It's difficult for you to visit the doctor or dentist, or even try swim lessons, but you and I always get through those days with me feeling like you've had your say in the matter, even though you're still a little guy.  You're stinking smart though, and you know it.  Some people- even me sometimes- might label you a "mama's boy" but I think you just know what you want- and you typically want me!  You want to be comfortable in your surroundings before you try something new.  You want to know I'm nearby and that you're safe.  I don't mind that you're a mama's boy- because you're definitely a daddy's boy too!  You play silly games with Daddy, Luke, and Beth, and you love playing with your family members and a few friends whom you see on a regular basis.  You'll always be safe with us, baby; we will always take care of you.

birthday present- a big boy bike

I love you, Mr. Silly Boy, Uncle Meyer, Cinnamon Cocoa, and all those other silly nicknames you give yourself.  Until you're done playing and you say, "No, I'm big boy, I'm three.  I'm Jackson Paul."  Yes, you are big boy, and we love you!

What are my gifts?

Last night Ryan and I celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary (forgot to take a photo- doh!) by going out to a nice dinner, doing a bit of window shopping (I bought two cute latte mugs on clearance, so I guess it was real shopping!), and attended a talk given by a family friend.  He's a very knowledgeable, very dynamic man, with a passion for speaking and a love of the Lord.  After speaking about St. Ignatius of Antioch, a bishop who was martyred for the faith, he issued a challenge that's been on my mind today.  What gift has the Lord given you- and how do you use it in an effort to evangelize the world?  Are we ashamed of our belief in the Lord?  Because he loves us all- every single one of us.  Why are we not out there shouting it from the rooftops?

Well, we're not all meant to shout from the rooftops.  He pointed out that we all have unique gifts, then he went on (and I'm very thankful for this part) to talk a little about different, unique gifts people have.  Obviously some people are gifted speakers- maybe those are the ones meant to shout from the rooftops!  But some of us are writers.  Some of us are organized.  Some of us are dedicated friends.  Some of us live our lives, unabashedly in love with the Lord, and it shows. 

And then there's me.  There's this stay-at-home mom, who feels so unworthy.  Yes, I can be scrupulous- that's always been a part of me.  I am hard on myself, but I also know what the Lord has made me capable of, so I see it as a challange.  I think- had he put me in a different place at a different time, my life could be soooooooo very different.  I could have made a life-changing mistake, or I could have stayed single and lived my life for the Lord in a very different way.  I could have become a nun, or a consecrated lay woman.  I can see myself being a public speaker, boldly proclaiming the gospel!  I am not super-extroverted anymore, but I used to be!  I can also write- well, I don't think I'm incredibly witty or clever, but I can hammer out a few good thoughts every now and then.  But blogging isn't going to become my profession, and while I've kicked around the idea of writing a book on theology of the body and self-care for young kids, I don't think it's in my future anytime soon.

The one gift I am certain I have is faith.  I have never doubted God's love for me, and I have never doubted his presence.  I know, more than I've ever known anything in my life, that he's truly present in the Eucharist and that he gave his life so that I could go to heaven.  I've had some difficult times in life- not awful, but not easy either- and it's never been a problem for me to turn to the Lord and give it to him. 

But, here I am.  A wife and mom.  Daughter and daughter-in-law.  Sister, keeper of my home, teacher, doula, and friend.  I can't go tour the country and talk at seminars and give life-changing talks.  I can hardly even find time to write a blog post.

And I find myself unworthy all.the.time.  I mess up so bad sometimes.  How can I preach God's love  to others when I can't even love and serve my family with a smile in my heart?

I've read about us stay-at-home mom types.  We're supposed to evangelize the world by raising our family, children who love the Lord, and by setting a good example to others.  Sounds sort of easy, but it is SO difficult sometimes. 

Day after day, the same stuff.  Messes, laundry, meals, dirty dishes.  The desire to be creative and create something beautiful and fluff my home, but the exhaustion that comes with being mentally and emotionally present 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Some days are easier than others, and some are awful.  I know that's true for all moms, but I don't play the comparison game anymore either.  What goes on in other women's homes- whether it's a perfect day of school and chores while they sew and blog and exercise daily- is not of concern to me.  What concerns me is what I heard about last night- What are my gifts, and how am I using them for the Lord?

Today, I'm not really certain, but the speaker last night suggested we go sit in adoration and ask the Lord to tell us.  I'm going to try to do that very soon, but for today I'm left pondering in my heart what God really really wants from me.  Please pray for my discernment?

Planning Our School Year

I'm in the beginning stages of planning for our next homeschooling year.  I have a lot of learn from last year... I think the biggest lesson for me is that we can do whatever we want.  Within reason, of course, but seriously.  They're still little.  I have worked Beth hard and I've let her be a kid, and she is happiest when she's busy being a little girl.  I am figuring out subjects and books and lesson plans and all that stuff, just like last year, but just like last year I am going to let them play.  If it's a nice morning, they're going to get to play outside until their hearts are content.  I will feed them a diet of rich, beautiful, meaningful lessons, but in small pieces and after they have been allowed to play. 

Luke will not be starting kindergarten officially this year, since he will be 5 in October.  I will plan out things for him to do if he's willing and ready, but once again I am not going to make him do anything official for school.

A big success last year was doing lessons that didn't look like lessons.  For awhile we were really good about doing a virtue study at the table during afternoon snack- I'd read from a book and we'd talk about it.  Easy and simple, so important to their formation, but since it was casual and "unofficial" it was received well by everyone.  So I will try to do more of this.

I want to be better about planning field trips that are related to the topics we're studying.  I've always been drawn to unit studies but I am not going to plan traditional unit studies, just try to stick with the liturgical calendar and topics in our books.

Right now I have a million ideas swirling around in my head... My first step to planning is just sort of sitting and pondering, haha.  It looks like I'm not doing anything but I really am. ;-)  I've also been cruising some of my favorite blogs (Real Learning, Wildflowers and Marbles, Sanctus Simplicitus, and a few others) for inspiration and ideas that might work for us better this year.  Just today I sat down with a calendar and planned out our year- we will be doing 6 weeks on and 1 week off for both semesters, with a 4-week break mostly after Christmas for us to adjust to being a family of 6. :-)  We have a co-op every Thursday, we should be taking a 2-week break to travel to North Carolina, and I've planned two spring breaks in early March and late April, closing out our school year on June 6, 2014.  We'll see if that actually happens!

Beth will be involved in her girl's club again, art lessons, piano lessons, and soccer.  Luke will be doing soccer and I'm debating putting him back in gymnastics again with Jack (shhh this is a secret- don't mention it to him!).  We all have co-op together on Thursdays (Luke will be in preschool and Jack will either be with Luke or in the nursery for part of the time), and Fridays will be reserved for park days, field trips, and nature walks.  We also have a once-a-month nature day on first Tuesdays.

This year I am adding in something new- plans for me.  I really missed my women's weekly bible study I attended the year before Beth started kindergarten, so I want to make sure I have something positive in there for me to add to my formation and adult time.  I also want to schedule in time for sewing and handicrafts, exercise (prenatal yoga, most likely), and more baking.  And of course, getting ready for baby to arrive!

We will be mostly following Mater Amabilis again this year, year 1B.  Of course I'll be changing around some things, because that's just me. ;-P  I will be forming some of our schedule around the co-op, like probably history (Early American again), and the co-op will be providing us with a few subjects (like art and geography) that I won't really have to do at home.  And mass once a week!  I am really looking forward to it!

So that's all I have right now.  I feel like it's a good start, given that it's early July.  I definitely have lots more to do, but that will come with time.

Beth's Big Hair Cut

Before- she looks terrified!

After a few super-hot days, Beth decided it was time to cut her hair!  We talked about donating it, so she agreed to cut it to her shoulders with my claim that it would be much much cooler for the summertime!  It was important to me that SHE was the one to make the decision, and once she did we scheduled the appointment with my hair stylist, and she got it cut!  She took off about 10 inches!

After- "Mommy it's all gone!"

Time for her first real hairstyling appointment!

She LOVES her haircut.  It's so cute and she agrees that it's cooler, and she was surprised at how much less time it takes to dry!  We still haven't sent her ponytail off to donate yet but we'll try to get that done soon.  I love her summertime style!

Tractor!

Anxiously waiting for the reveal...

At the beginning of the summer, we finally bought... A ride on lawn mower!  It's been a long time coming, and this year we decided to splurge on a brand-new mower.  You should have seen Luke's face when we just told him we were going to buy a tractor, the anticipation nearly killed him!  Our neighbor helped us pick it up with a trailer, and the kids (including the neighbor's daughter, who is Jack's age) all waited anxiously as the men were going to pick it up.

The moment of glory!  Luke was in heaven!

He said, "This is the best birthday present ever!" 

Beth was excited too, but a little less impressed.

Of course we had to take it out for a spin!

The new mower cuts down Ryan's mowing time by more than half, though he still has to use the push mower for some tight areas around the fence and gardens.  Not only does it cut his time in half, but if he lets the grass grow too long, it's not a frustrating mess to get it cut with the push mower.  And of course, now he can sit and mow instead of push- big difference!

Luke's still a hard worker outside, after all these years he still "helps" Daddy as much as possible when Ryan is outside doing yardwork.  He operates the blower all by himself now, sweeps, and uses his own push mower to "get the spots that Daddy missed."  And his weed wacker has seen years of use, so it's a bit broken, but Ryan tied some of his real string on it and now Luke thinks it's the best thing ever!

Such a hard worker.

Riding with Daddy

Swimming Babies

My summertime babies started swim lesson on Jack's 3rd birthday.  They were scheduled only for 8 lessons over a period of two weeks, and Beth and Luke both did a tremendous job of learning new things and improving drastically!  I was so impressed with Luke, who I think just did fabulous with trying new things (even when he said he was scared) and dramatically improving.  Beth picked up pretty quickly with remembering what she learned last year and also made some great improvements.  

Waiting for her turn

His class went last- he didn't want to wait!

Mr. Jack wanted NOTHING to do with his swim lessons, teacher, or other kids in his class.  He cried so hard the first day (despite being SO excited!) that I tried to pull him out of the lessons, but I was denied a refund.   So... It was one of those tough parenting decisions.  I could not force him to swim through his tears, and I certainly was not going to leave him there to deal with it on his own.  It wasn't a class where I could get in the water though, either.  In the end I decided that I would participate with him as much as possible- which meant I sat with him through the out-of-pool instruction, sat next to him by the pool (with my feet in the water touching him the first couple of days), and verbally encouraging him when it was his turn to try something new.  He went from screaming the first day to passively being idle at best.  When it was his turn to kick, he'd just sit in his teacher's arms and float, closing his eyes.  It was better than screaming, but certainly not participation!  I'm okay with that though.  In the end, through this experience (and all others), my main goal is to teach him that Mommy will support him and be there for him, and allow him an option in the decision-making process.  I thought he'd WANT to do swim lessons, which is why I signed him up.  I certainly didn't expect him to become a pro in eight lessons, but I hope the lesson of learning that Mommy supports him hopefully outweighed the fear from the first day.

Before his lesson began, he was so excited!!!

Announcing...

For anyone who hasn't heard the news yet: I'm expecting!

I conceived only about a couple of weeks after my March loss, giving this baby an expected due date of December 28, 2013.  Yes, that is one day after Beth's 7th birthday!  Given my history of going "late" with my pregnancies, I have a feeling this baby might be a 2014 baby after all.  I am currently 14 weeks pregnant, have seen this baby once at an ultrasound visit at around 8 weeks, and just yesterday I heard the heartbeat on an external doppler monitor.  It was in the 160s- happy happy happy baby.  All I could think of was, "Thank you Jesus for the gift of this life."

We have told all friends and family, everyone has known for quite awhile now.  As I start to show, everyone else is finding out too.  I have no problem telling the world; my blog readers know I am an open book!  We have received mostly excited, joy-filled congratulations, but a few comments have been full of misunderstanding from people who don't know us all that well.  I am not a person who gets offended easily so it doesn't bother me, but I was pondering that until we- as a society- learn to accept that a baby is a gift and a unique, individual being from the moment of conception, there will always be "those" sorts of comments when a mother announces a pregnancy.

10 weeks

 I grieve for anyone who thinks that children are a burden.  Yes, they can be difficult to handle sometimes, but I don't think that's their fault.  They are establishing identity and autonomy...growing up. It's in my human weakness that I fail to understand how to best care for them during these difficult times, because I myself am not perfect.  They are not me, despite our similarities, and when I treat them as a miniature adult instead of a learning child, I am the one with the problem.  I don't want to give of myself enough for them; I am the one failing to sacrifice for them. But they are not the burden.

In the eyes of the Lord, who breathed LIFE into each of us at the moment of our conception, we are individual and unique and HIS.  We are not parasites living off of our mother's bodies.  We are not small blobs of tissue. Even if our mother's didn't plan for us, we are wanted by Him, still created for a purpose and with meaning!

13 weeks

 So even though this baby was planned and very much wanted, please rethink calling me a baby-making machine or telling me I'm just "popping them out."  Granted, most of these people don't know my history, but these attitudes are that of a culture that does not respect life.  It's hurtful and rude to someone who loves life and experienced pregnancy loss.  I am following God's plan for my life by taking part in his creative power and creating souls for Him.  I hope I am able to pass on to my children the gift that they are to me and to Him, even if other people don't see the value and worth in each of our lives.