Let me be real, and honest for a minute. As another day ends, I'm exhausted. Every last stall tactic from the kids has pushed me to the edge and all I can think of is the glorious time of day when they're all sleeping and I'm alone. Why could they possibly need me for one more minute? Haven't they had me all day long?
As 4:30 approaches every day, I stare into the 3 or 4 hour routine of cooking-eating-cleaning-showering-praying-reading-bed and some days I have to muster every bit of strength to even start. I'm so thankful I get to share these hours with Ryan, but I'm so sad they tend to be chaotic, and I'm disappointed in myself for not cherishing them more. Well, maybe I at least try to cherish them sometimes, but more often than not I just can't wait for them to be over. I'm touched out. It's too noisy. I'm just so overstimulated. I just want to be alone in the quiet, not touching anyone or anything. I don't even know what I want to do, I just know I want to do it in silence.
I can't even be funny or hopeful right now. I know these days will be over someday but it's hard to focus on that- on anything- when the whining about dinner is constant and they keep beating each other up, with words or fists. Aghhhhhh....
The good news is, I know I'll have a few hours alone to recharge. And I'll get to start tomorrow with new hope that He will renew me and forgive my bad attitude and ungratefulness if I can get over my pride and pity party and tell Him I'm sorry. I might even have to apologize to the kids tomorrow for being horribly grumpy. Until tomorrow, I will remind myself that I'm still in the trenches of parenting little ones, remember that I'm in good company, and try to think of ways to relax a bit and be a more gentle mother.