I was flipping through my Kindle while waiting to have the oil changed on my van a couple of weeks ago, and I re-read a few pages from a book I read earlier this year. It was about how we have to accept the current state of life we are in, or we are missing the whole point. I think I've read multiple variations of that theme over the years of motherhood, but sometimes things just hit you in a new way every now and then.
I've found myself forgetting that THIS is the point of it all. Handling the day-to-day tasks with joy, embracing my cross. I have no real cross to complain of right now, my hardships are relatively little. It's just the typical busy-ness of life- but I think that's what God's demanding of me right now. Prioritizing- because I'm totally failing at that in this moment. I've been despairing in a way- what's the point in folding clothes when they're just going to toss them on the floor anyways? Why bother putting the toys away when they're going to be strewn across the floor in a matter of fifteen minutes of them waking up? So I've been lazy. Like, really lazy. And I know someone might tell me that I need to cut myself some slack, but it's one of those things where you just know yourself and what you're capable of. And I'm capable of more and I can assuredly tell you, I've been lazy.
I enjoy my moments of playing with the baby on the floor instead of doing dishes, because those moments are fleeting and she won't be a baby forever. That's not what this is about though. I've spent plenty of time on the floor and now I can accept that certain things just don't get done. Now, I'm talking about giving God the better part of me, giving my family everything else, and taking pride and joy in those little moments when no one else is looking.
A new realization for me is that I'm so preoccupied with planning for the future that I'm missing some of the now. The opportunities for sanctification by actually doing my work without giving up or cutting corners. The chances to offer it up in prayer for family and friends who need my prayer, instead of being so flippant.
Yes. I'm overwhelmed most days, but good grief, who isn't? You know? We're all busy! I just have nothing I can complain about right now,. Lots of things to pray and think about, but nothing bad or totally life-changing. I guess I'm just now realizing I've been feeling a little sorry for myself, and it's painful to realize how long it's taken me a couple of months to figure this out!
I'm going to re-commit myself to taking pride in my homemaking and realizing that these moments are the ones that count. Not the moments in a month or two, but starting tomorrow. I will take into consideration all of the things on our schedule and be realistic, but be present in the moments and stop fretting about the future.
Will you pray for me?