This year, moving into a new year has been more different than in years past. As I sit here and type this, on the night of January 1, 2014, I am four days “overdue.” Yes, I’ve gone over 40 weeks with all of my pregnancies so I shouldn’t be surprised, right? But for some reason my mind has been dwelling on birth since about 37 weeks, and I foolishly considered that I might be able to go early this time… Maybe if I thought enough positive thoughts, prepared my heart and my home, prepared my body… But once again, I have been reminded that *I* am not in charge here. This is totally up to the baby, and for some reason baby isn’t ready yet. And so we wait.
The good thing about all of this is that I’ve had a sort of extended “nesting” phase of pregnancy and though my energy isn’t what it was 3 weeks ago, my mind has been moving non-stop. I have been lesson planning for our spring semester as well as dwelling on new year’s resolutions. I re-read my new year's blog post from last year and the year before, and I have to say that making a resolution of using a single word to help define my year really helps keep me focused, so once again I will use a word. Don’t laugh at my word for this year:
With a new baby, one might think quiet may not be the best word, but I think it is actually perfect!
· I want to quiet my thoughts. So often am I consumed with a mind that races a million miles a minute, I feel like I have to write it all down to empty my head. This is a good practice for me, but maybe I can just try to sloooooow down. I hope to quiet my thoughts by incorporating more meditation and praying a weekly rosary, something that I am embarrassed to admit I don’t already do. I know I will have plenty of time to pray as I sit and nurse baby- there's really no excuse for me to not get this done.
· I want quiet mornings. I know, ha ha, right? This will be more of a challenge, but my year-end goal is to be up at least 45 minutes before the older kids come downstairs, with breakfast made, prayers said, daytime clothes on, and coffee sipped. I was doing this for a while during the earlier part of my pregnancy and I have to say that although I am not a morning person, being dressed and ready for my day before the kid even come downstairs was a wonderful way to get my day off to a good start. It’s also better for the kids too because they’re pretty grumpy and hungry in the mornings, and being able to come straight down and sit down to eat really helps everyone have a better attitude.
· I want to quiet the nagging ideals of the person I think I should be, and focus on the person God wants me to be. Give up the unrealistic expectations of perfection and allow God to give me the grace to be the person He created me to be: a saint in the making (I hope!).
Most of these resolutions are building on habits that we have begun to form but not yet set them in stone. I do feel that every year I grow a little bit, but I still am far from the woman I want to be; far from the woman God want me to be. This year I hope to accomplish more baby steps through focusing on Quiet, and remembering my previous growths and failures in my years of Joy and Peace.